Bitcoin Obliterates Bears While Trolling Memecoins 🚀

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Last week, bitcoin didn’t stroll past its former highs—it crushed them with the grace of a drunken bull in a financial china shop 💃. At $118K, bears cried, shorts evaporated, and suddenly, $250K seems less like a dream and more like a dare.

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Bitcoin Plays Dodgeball With Resistance (Hint: Resistance Loses)

Bitcoin’s rally last week? More violent than a caffeinated toddler 🎮. One minute, the “crypto king” casually smashes $112K—next thing you know, it’s lounging at $118K while shorts beg for mercy. Total losses? Over $1 billion. Hedge funds now officially regret their life choices.

Cobie (Crypto Twitter’s resident Nostradamus) nailed it back in November:

“The hard road goes from 80k to 100k
The easy road goes from 100k to 250k”

Translation: Weak hands folded, strong hands piled in, and now we’re just waiting for the next existential meltdown. Classic Tuesday stuff.

Altcoins: The Circus Tent Expands 🎪

Bitcoin’s flexing, but let’s be real—alts are mooning too. Ethereum tap-danced past $3K 💃, SOL and XRP politely bowed, and memecoins? Oh, sweet SPX6900—Murad’s beloved disaster—nearly matched its ATH. Bluntz, CT’s resident oracle, hinted more nonsense may follow. Brace yourselves.

The Pump.fun vs. Letsbonk.fun Feud 🍿

In the “please stop giving them money” category: Pump.fun (70% dominance) got schooled by Letsbonk.fun (24% remaining dignity). Meanwhile, Pump.fun’s ICO closes tomorrow—$740M raised, $260M fleeced from retail. Tokens unlock instantly, because delayed gratification is *so* 2023. My advice? Don’t.

—FlowHorse (the cooler Bluntz) dropped truth bombs: “Strength deserves respect. Stop chasing slow horses.” 🔥

Personally? Bitcoin, a few alts, and zero regrets—unless you count reading this article.

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2025-07-22 05:28