Bitcoin on Balance Sheets? Michael Saylor Says “Duh!” 💰🤯

by

Listen up, corporate suits! Michael Saylor isn’t just throwing Bitcoin at the wall like a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving-he’s treating it like a serious capital allocation decision. You know, like choosing between cash, bonds, or that questionable “long-term asset” called your ex’s promise to pay you back. 😏

Key Takeaways (Because Apparently You Need Bullet Points to Pay Attention)

  • Bitcoin isn’t gambling-unless you consider your 401(k) gambling too. 🤷‍♀️
  • Losing money on paper doesn’t mean you’re wrong-just ask anyone who’s ever dated a musician.
  • Companies holding Bitcoin get judged harder than your aunt’s potato salad at the family reunion.

Saylor’s big-brain moment? Companies hoarding cash are already making bets-they’re just pretending they’re not. Holding cash is like keeping your money in a sock under the mattress and hoping inflation doesn’t find it. Bitcoin? That’s just swapping the sock for a slightly shinier, more volatile sock. 🧦✨

Profitability Schmofitability

Saylor’s got zero patience for the haters who scream “But you’re unprofitable!” at Bitcoin-hoarding companies. His response? “So’s your face.” Okay, not really-but he did point out that if your Bitcoin gains outpace your losses, you’re still winning. It’s like losing $20 at the casino but finding $50 in the parking lot. Net win, baby! 🎰

And share buybacks? Please. Saylor basically called them corporate seppuku-you’re just speeding up the inevitable while Bitcoin sits there, smugly appreciating like your ex’s new partner’s Instagram feed. 😒

The Corporate Hypocrisy Olympics

Saylor’s real tea? Companies avoiding Bitcoin get a free pass, while Bitcoin adopters get roasted like a Thanksgiving turkey. It’s the financial equivalent of getting side-eyed for bringing quinoa to a potluck while Karen’s mystery casserole goes unquestioned. 🦃

Bottom line: Cash is trash (literally-have you seen inflation?), and pretending otherwise is like insisting your flip phone is “retro” instead of “sad.” Bitcoin might not be for everyone, but neither are skinny jeans, and look how that turned out. 👖

Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. We’re just here for the drama. Do your own research or, you know, don’t. 🤪

Read More

2026-01-17 13:25