Bitcoin’s About to Break $100K… Or Crash Into Oblivion 😱💸

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Well, bless my stars and call me a bagholder, the Bitcoin circus is back in town, and the clowns are trading in millions. Last week, the coin jiggled like a nervous saloon dancer-up, down, sideways, sober, then drunk again. Around $90,000, it stumbled and lost its hat. But like a stubborn mule at a watering hole, buyers kept dragging it back from the briar patch near $85,000. So now we got us a rodeo between $85K and $90K, where bulls and bears are locking horns like two horny goats on a one-lane bridge.

And the people? Oh, the people. They’re sweating like sinners in a revival tent. Sure, the price ticked up a hair yesterday, but the mood’s gloomier than a tax audit. We’ve been tricked before-remember October? That’s when the market said, “Surprise! It’s a correction!” and went on strike for a month. Now, in walks Ted Pillows-yes, that’s his real name, I swear on my grandmother’s ghost-and he’s waving around charts like a preacher with a snake, shouting about 2021 all over again.

Bitcoin To $100,000? Sure, and I’m the Queen of Sheba 👑

On December 19th, Pillows dropped an X post so confident you’d think he’d peeked behind the curtain of fate itself. He claims Bitcoin’s cooking up the same old recipe from 2021-2022-left shoulder, head, right shoulder-the kind of chart pattern your cousin Larry sketches on napkins after two beers. According to Ted (can I call him Ted?), Bitcoin hit its left shoulder at $110,000 in January 2025 (bless that brave timeline), then reared up like a stallion to $126,100 in October. That, friends, is the head. The body of the beast, if you will.

Now, we’re supposedly in the final act-the right shoulder’s forming, and Ted reckons it’ll shake hands with $100,000 any day now. That’s a 13.6% pop, he says, like it’s going to happen because he drew some lines. But here’s the gut punch: the head-and-shoulders pattern isn’t a party invitation-it’s a funeral notice. In 2021-2022, after that fling with glory, Bitcoin took a nosedive from $69K to $22K. Poof. Gone. Like hope in a Nevada dust storm.

And Pillows? He’s not exactly whistling past the graveyard. He says once we kiss $100K, don’t be surprised if the whole thing belly-flops by 35%, landing us square in the mud at $65,000. Which, coincidentally, is where the smart money says it’s headed anyway. So yeah, enjoy the climb. Pack a lunch. Bring a parachute.

Bitcoin Market Overview – A.K.A. The Calm Before the Sigh

Right now, Bitcoin’s sipping coffee at $88,168-up a polite 3.16% in the last day, like it remembered its manners. But volume? Down 14.81%, trading a cool $44.83 billion. That’s not panic, that’s hesitation-the kind you get when you’re unsure whether to propose or bolt the door.

And the miners, whales, and yahoos? They’ve shipped over 11,000 BTC to exchanges this week. That’s not “HODL,” that’s “Hold On, Dear Lord.” Ali Martinez, cryptoland’s favorite detective, noticed the exchange stash jumped from 2.753 million to 2.764 million BTC. That’s 13.84% of all Bitcoin now sitting on exchanges, just itching to be sold. It’s like the whole farm’s moving to town with eggs, hoping the sky doesn’t fall before they reach market.

So here we are. $100,000? Maybe. Or maybe we’re just one tweet away from a 30% haircut. Either way, grab your hat, keep your powder dry, and remember: in crypto, hope is a strategy, and we’re all just betting on tomorrow’s weather with yesterday’s almanac. 🌪️📉🌕

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2025-12-20 13:01