Bitcoin’s Bear Market: Traps, Bounces, and a Very Sad Crypto Cat 🐱💸

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Bitcoin (BTC) has been playing hard to get, leaving investors in a state of emotional whiplash. After being the star of 2025’s first nine months, it’s now acting like a broke ex who can’t commit. Monday’s brief $90,000 flirtation was about as reliable as a Tinder match with a profile photo of a cat. Spoiler: It’s probably not going to end well. 😒

Analysts are whispering warnings like a jealous ex, warning that those short-term gains might just be a setup for a bigger fall. Spoiler: It’s probably not going to end well. 🐍

Short-Term Bounce, Long-Term Pain

Bitcoin’s down over 30% from its October high. Mr. Wall Street is calling it a bear market, and he’s not exactly the life of the party. He says market makers are probably planning a “relief bounce” to lure you in before the real pain begins. Think of it as the crypto version of a “I’m fine, really” lie. 😭

Doctor Profit, ever the gloomy cloud with a silver lining, says the market bottom isn’t in sight. He’s even ditched USDT for gold and silver, which is like swapping a broken phone for a vintage record player. His prediction? Bitcoin might not hit rock bottom until September or October 2026. That’s longer than your average Netflix subscription. 📺💸

Despite his long-term bearish stance, Doctor Profit added that he holds a medium-sized BTC position in the short term, expecting a sideways phase and a potential move up toward $107,000 before another leg lower, possibly in February or March. Because nothing says “optimism” like a 2026 timeline. 🤷‍♀️

Bear Market Structure

Long-term holders are acting like they’ve lost their keys, not taking profits. LTH SOPR is hovering around 1.0, which is lower than a cat’s tail. Meanwhile, the BCMI is following Bitcoin’s lead, which is not a good sign. It’s like watching a relationship go downhill-slowly, painfully, and with a lot of sighs. 😢

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2025-12-29 19:27