Bitcoin’s Dance of Fools: Will the Prophet Buy the Dip?

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In the shadowed halls of the digital bazaar, where fortunes rise and fall like the tides of a tempestuous sea, Chris Burniske, the so-called oracle of Placeholder VC and former crypto czar at Ark Invest, has once again cast his gaze upon the erratic heart of Bitcoin. With the air thick with speculation and the stench of greed, Burniske, fresh from his triumph in predicting the market’s wild swings, now ponders where to lay his chips should the crypto leviathan continue its descent into the abyss.

His map, a labyrinth of numbers and whimsy, stretches from the lofty heights of the mid-$80,000s to the murky depths of the low-$50,000s. Yet, he declares with a shrug, “I’m not a buyer yet,” as if the very act of purchasing Bitcoin were a game of cat and mouse with fate itself. Meanwhile, Aksel Kibar, another soothsayer of the charts, mutters of “base building,” his eyes fixed on the mid-$70,000s as if they held the secrets of the universe.

Burniske, ever the dramatist, outlines his sacred price points with the precision of a man charting the stars. At $80,000, he sees the ghost of November 2025’s low, a local trough in this “bear” of a market. Below, at $74,000, lies the “Tariff Tantrum” bottom, a name that sounds more like a circus act than a financial event. And at $50,000, he warns, the “death of BTC” narratives will rise from their graves like vengeful spirits, ready to haunt the faithful.

“I’m not a buyer yet, but if I were to be a buyer, imo the areas to watch for $BTC are:

~$80K: Nov ’25 low, local low of this ‘bear’
~$74K: April ’25 low, Tariff Tantrum low, just below $MSTR‘s cost basis (~$76K)
~$70K: Top of $50-70K range, near ’21 high
~$58K: 200W SMA &…”

– Chris Burniske (@cburniske) January 25, 2026

With a wave of his hand, Burniske dismisses the notion of timing, declaring, “I don’t care what happens.” Should Bitcoin rally, he will “ride what I have and diversify,” while a deeper plunge would see him scooping up more Bitcoin and “select crypto assets.” Ah, the life of a prophet-always prepared, never committed.

Turning his gaze to the altcoins, Burniske advises, “Best imo to buy alts after you think btc is near bottom,” as if the entire crypto market were a game of musical chairs. As for his own position, he sits comfortably in treasuries, where yield outpaces inflation, a man content to watch the chaos from afar. When asked if there’s a price that would lure him back, he scoffs, “I wouldn’t chase,” preferring to hold his ground like a general on a battlefield.

Burniske’s reputation, of course, is no small thing. Anthony Pompliano, another titan of the crypto world, has crowned him with laurels, declaring, “You nailed the SOL bottom and the BTC top over this cycle.” Yet, Burniske’s fame rests on an October 2025 post, where he proclaimed the market “structurally damaged” after a sharp selloff. “I’ll likely get interested in the market again when I see BTC $75K or lower,” he wrote, a statement that now echoes through the halls of crypto lore.

The Great Crypto Charade: Breakdown or Bottoming Phase?

Meanwhile, Aksel Kibar, the veteran technician, casts a skeptical eye on the charts, posting a BTCUSD daily chart without comment. When pressed, he waves away the notion of a breakout or breakdown, muttering, “Not giving too much weight to diagonal short-term patterns. I think this is part of the base building, searching for a bottom.” Ah, the eternal search for solid ground in a world built on sand.

Kibar, ever the pragmatist, had previously marked “technical support” between 73.7K and 76.5K, suggesting that if Bitcoin is indeed in a basing phase, the market may need time-and repeated tests of those lower bands-before a durable trend emerges. At press time, BTC traded at $87,812, a number that means everything and nothing in this grand theater of speculation.

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2026-01-26 22:39