Bitcoin, the cryptocurrency that’s been playing the long game like a toddler with a sugar rush, suddenly decided to throw a tantrum and shoot up 5% on Monday. It hit an intraday high of $69,401, because apparently, $70k was just a “someday” dream.
Per CoinGecko, roughly $80 million worth of shorts got obliterated in minutes. Traders who bet against Bitcoin are now doing the Macarena in reverse-except the only thing spinning is their bank accounts.
Bybit, the exchange that’s clearly the class clown of crypto, took the crown for biggest liquidation party, raking in 20% of the chaos. Bravo, Bybit. You’re a real winner.
Bitcoin is now tiptoeing near the top of its range, like a drunkard near a cliff. Its previous attempts to crack $70k? More than a series of failed reality TV auditions. But hey, third time’s the charm-or is that crypto’s new motto?
Fundstrat’s Tom Lee, crypto prophet extraordinaire, recently claimed on CNBC that April will be the month of miracles. He’s calling it the “final stages of setting a bottom,” which sounds suspiciously like a motivational speech for a sinking ship.
Meanwhile, MSTR’s stock is having a midlife crisis, surging over $139. And just to flex, they splurged another $204 million on Bitcoin. Because nothing says “confidence” like buying crypto with your last $200 million. Cue the eye rolls.
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2026-03-02 19:50