Terraform’s obligatory court boss declared war on Jump Trading, accusing them of secretly supporting TerraUSD, pretending it was as steady as a sleepy sloth on a Sunday afternoon, while secretly raking in billions. Yes, billions with a B! 🤑 The grand plan? Make profit from the doom and gloom, and leave small investors with empty pockets and sad faces.
So, Ardoino’s saying Bitcoin is still a secret love child of the stock market – wild, right? People claim it’s uncorrelated, but he says it’s actually tied to capital markets like a jealous ex. Meanwhile, he’s fretting over AI’s seemingly endless moneyspills: data centers, power stations, the whole nine yards! Can’t someone just install a dial-up for these gadgets?
In its latest weekly manifesto, the venerable on-chain analytics firm Glassnode delves into the latest developments of the Bitcoin Total Supply in Loss, a metric that, much like a cryptic sonnet, unveils the hidden verses of market sentiment. 🧠
It appears that our intrepid administrator, with all the flair of a courtroom drama, has accused Jump Trading of raking in profits that would make a dragon jealous, all while pulling some rather dubious strings behind the scenes. The suit is seeking a staggering $4 billion in damages, because apparently, when it rains, it pours-or in this case, it lawsuits.
In a move that can only be described as both audacious and faintly absurd, Intuit (Nasdaq: INTU), the purveyor of financial tools for the marginally competent, has announced a multi-year dalliance with Circle Internet Group Inc. (NYSE: CRCL). Their mission? To embed USDC-powered stablecoin capabilities across its platforms, thereby ensuring that even the most financially illiterate among us can partake in the blockchain bonanza. 🥳📈
There was a brief upward wiggle – oh, how we clung to hope! – pushing toward $1.90, only for XRP to mimic its crypto cousins (looking at you, BTC and ETH) by saying, “No, actually, I’ve changed my mind,” and plummeting below $1.880 and then $1.850 with the grace of a soufflé in a breeze.
“I think he’s great,” the President declared, as if announcing the discovery of a particularly pleasing sunset. “I mean, he’s been a man who’s been there a long time.” Indeed. Time passes for us all, even for those who seek to govern the nation’s finances. “Somebody that I was very involved with,” he continued, a statement pregnant with implication, yet devoid of actual information, “and sense of his career, and he’s a fantastic man.” A fantastic man! One wonders what qualifies as merely ‘good’ in this administration.
Word on the street is, that number’s just the tip of the iceberg-or should I say, the tip of the crypto iceberg? Toss in some follow-on sellin’ by other index bigwigs, and you’re lookin’ at a whopping $10 to $15 billion in potential mayhem. 🤯
The price action puzzled many traders, but the charts point to a familiar explanation rooted in market structure, positioning, and liquidity rather than macro fundamentals. Of course, the “explanation” is just code for “no one has a clue, but we’ll charge you $500/hour to sound smart about it.”
