The Strengthening Agency Frameworks for Enforcement of Cryptocurrency (SAFE Crypto) Act-a title so grand it could only be the brainchild of bureaucrats with a flair for the theatrical-promises a federal ballet of detection, tracking, and the dramatic shutdown of illicit schemes. Bravo! 👏
Hold onto your crypto hats, folks! Binance just dropped a sparkly memo about fake agents swarming token projects like ants at a picnic. Spoiler: They don’t charge fees. They don’t hire middlemen. And if someone claims they do? They’re as trustworthy as a chocolate teapot. 🍫
Why, you ask? Well, it appears Bitcoin’s investor base has diversified, thanks to the emergence of institutional investment products. 🏦 Fancy that! The once-rogue asset is now rubbing shoulders with the big boys, sipping champagne and discussing ETFs like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 🥂
In a world where financial institutions frolic like lemmings toward the blockchain cliff, the Depository Trust & Clearing Corporation (DTCC) has unveiled its latest folly: a partnership with Digital Asset Holdings and the Canton Network. Their mission? To tokenize DTC-custodied U.S. Treasury securities, because why not sprinkle some digital fairy dust on the most boring asset class known to man? On December 17, this unholy trinity announced their plan to “expand on-chain financial market activity,” as if the world were clamoring for more ways to lose money in the ether. 🧙♂️🔮
Yet, trading volume dipped 13%, presumably because investors were too busy clutching their pearls over Bitcoin’s tragic stumble to $85.7k. Such drama! One might think Satoshi himself had canceled Christmas. 🎄💸
The crypto market, somewhere in the ninth circle of digital finances, remained as weak as a bad Wi-Fi connection today, with the total market cap slipping to a perplexing $2.91 trillion, down nearly 2%. Bitcoin sauntered near $86,200, while Ethereum hung around the neighborhood of $2,840 like a lost traveler on a Friday night. XRP also continued to underperform, hovering around $1.86, reminiscing the Dark Ages of the prices of altcoins.
New liquidation data shows that the rally was less of a breakout attempt and more of a liquidity grab. BTC was tapping a dense cluster of short-liquidation levels before reversing sharply. 🐦⬛ A dance of desperation, where every step forward was met with a cruel twist.
Coinbase (COIN), the cryptocurrency exchange that once specialized in letting you buy Bitcoin and feel vaguely guilty, has decided it’s not enough to be the “Everything Exchange.” No, it must now be the “Everything Plus a Side of Regret” platform. In a blogpost that reads like a fever dream, they announced stock trading, prediction markets, and a menagerie of other features-because why stop at one existential crisis?
Polygon Labs, in a move as bold as it is baffling, has invested in Boys Club, a tech media firm that promises to make blockchain payments as practical as a well-tailored suit. Boys Club, ever the independent spirit, will retain its editorial independence, ensuring that even in the realm of crypto, there’s room for a little chaos. 🤷♂️
Bitcoin tried to dance above $90,000, but the bears were there to trip it up! 🕵️♂️💥