Cryptonews

Ah, the grand theater of the markets, where the players dance with masks of ambition and the spectators are but pawns in a game they scarcely comprehend. The Competition Commission of India (CCI), in its infinite wisdom, has bestowed its blessing upon the union of Coinbase Global Inc. and DCX Global Limited, a marriage of convenience in the realm of cryptocurrency. A minority stake, they say-a mere whisper of control, yet enough to stir the waters of this digital ocean.

Polymarket, that slick platform and darling of the analytics elves at Dune and Keyrock, has a knack for holding onto its flock. They tracked monthly cohorts of new users-because nothing says loyalty like a contract-and measured who popped back for more trades. Spoiler: Polymarket outperforms over 85% of its less fortunate crypto cousins, who probably can’t remember their passwords or their own names after a month. 🤦‍♂️

In a recent post on X, CryptoQuant analyst Maartunn delved into the downward spiral of the Bitcoin IFP. This indicator tracks Bitcoin flows between spot and derivatives exchanges, and its decline suggests traders are fleeing derivatives faster than a cat dodges a bath. 🐱💨

Ellison, whose heart once beat in tandem with Sam Bankman-Fried’s, now finds herself adrift in a sea of bureaucratic whims. A mere 11 months of her sentence, a fleeting moment in the eternal prison of existence, yet here she is, dancing on the precipice of “home confinement” or a halfway house-both prisons, in their own right. 🧭 Will the walls of her new abode be softer, or merely more insidious? 🕊️

Apparently, six weeks of “spot ETF inflows” isn’t enough to make a difference. Which, frankly, feels a bit rude. You’d think financial institutions throwing money at it would at least cause a small ripple. But no. It’s just…stuck. Like me on a Monday morning. 🙄

And lo! The Spot Trading Bots-those tireless, soulless automatons-shall grind to a halt for these pairs. A moment of silence, please. 🕯️ (Or better yet, update your bots, you fools, lest they weep binary tears onto your portfolios.) Fear not, though! The tokens themselves still skulk about in other pairs, like alley cats dodging the boot. Trade them while you can… before Binance changes its mind again. 😼

The United States unemployment rate climbed to 4.6% in November, marking its highest point since September 2021. Analysts suggest this uptick is due to October’s government-related chaos and the labor market’s ongoing identity crisis.

Sentiment? Oh, it’s decisively bearish. Fear and apathy are now the charming duets serenading trader wallets. Volatility? Shrunk like my patience on a Monday morning. Participation? Thinner than my grandmother’s patience with her wayward grandson. Analysts are whispering ominous prophecies-“Prolonged bear market into 2026,” they say, as if always predicting the worst was some sort of market sport. 🥱

But oh, sweet summer child, the real drama is all about Ripple and XRP. The Act’s got this fancy rulebook-20% supply concentration, anyone?-to decide if XRP is a “mature” blockchain or just a toddler in crypto diapers. Spoiler: Ripple’s holding 40% of XRP like a grumpy squirrel with a hoard of acorns. 🐿️