This colossal purchase includes a fleet of 17,280 ASICs-tiny silicon soldiers in a war for dominance-and no doubt, they are protected from the whims of tariffs that make importing equipment nearly as expensive as the hardware itself. Everyone wants to avoid the American trade tariffs, which are like that uninvited guest who shows up and eats all your snacks-except here, it’s tariffs eating into the profits.
While the grandees of the crypto world, Dogecoin (DOGE) and Shiba Inu (SHIB), have stumbled like drunken philosophers, USELESS dances triumphantly, defying logic and reason! 🕵️♂️
Now, let’s talk numbers. TRX’s on-chain performance is looking more impressive than a magician pulling rabbits out of hats. Data from CryptoQuant reveals that the TRX rally has left long-term holders (those who’ve stuck with it for a year or more) grinning like Cheshire cats, with a mind-blowing +150% gain. Yes, you read that right-+150%. So, for anyone who doubted, it’s clear: patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s a financial strategy. 📈
The actual order: 16,299 Antminer U3S21EXPH units. This magical herd can crunch away at 14.02 exahashes per second! If you can’t picture an exahash: imagine a trillion bananas, all counting Bitcoin instead of potassium. Naturally, the grand bill came to a plump $314 million. You could buy a ridiculous number of chocolate factories for that, but-alas-Bitmain prefers ASICs. TheMinerMag reported this with a straight face, presumably while eating stale biscuits.
In classic “Will they? Won’t they?” fashion, whenever Ethereum slinks into the ballroom with a hot streak, all the lesser-known altcoins get a bit flustered and join in, hoping to be noticed-even if what really happens is a collective hangover later.
Meanwhile, the neighbors? Well, they’re still figuring out how to spell ‘blockchain’, but hey, baby steps, right? 🚶♂️🚶♀️
Ah, the crypto exchanges! Those nimble acrobats, adapting with the agility of a flea circus to Europe’s regulatory tightrope. On the fateful Thursday, August 14, Bybit EU unleashed its Launchpool, a rewards program in cahoots with the XION project. A spectacle, indeed! 🎪🤹♂️
According to Reuters (you know, the folks who make financial news sound important), Standard Chartered bumped their 2028 target from $7,500 to $25,000. Oh, and they also raised their year-end target from $4,000 to $7,500. 🎉 Analysts noticed more people are holding ETH lately. Shocking. 🤯 Maybe it’s because Ethereum surged 81% in the last three months? Nah, couldn’t be. 🚀
Folks are whispering about XRP again-yes, that scrappy underdog coin everyone loves to either root for or mock. Analysts, those modern-day soothsayers armed with charts instead of crystal balls, claim XRP has finally completed what they call a “bullish retest.” Fancy talk, ain’t it?
