Cryptonews

In a memo that could rival the most riveting of novels, Hougan shared his thoughts with clients on a Wednesday, a day that often feels like the middle child of the week, where excitement is neither here nor there. He pointed out that there’s “a lot to be excited about” now, including crypto regulation and legislation moving in a positive direction, stablecoins gaining momentum, corporate crypto purchases soaring, exchange-traded funds (ETFs) experiencing remarkable adoption, and the “much-needed altcoin energy” being injected into the broader crypto market by Ethereum’s (ETH) rally. It’s as if the universe conspired to throw a grand party, and yet, the guests are still outside, debating whether to enter. 🎉

Liquidation stats are brutal. Long positions lost $866 million-six times more than short positions. Ether traders got absolutely wrecked, losing $348.9 million. Bitcoin wasn’t far behind at $177.1 million. Even Solana, XRP, and Dogecoin bled millions. Bybit led the carnage with $421.9 million in liquidations, mostly from overleveraged longs. Binance and OKX followed suit, because apparently misery loves company. The biggest single liquidation? A cool $6.25 million on OKX. Ouch. 💸

The amalgamation will, for the time being, retain the rather pedestrian moniker of KindlyMD, fluttering about the Nasdaq under the ticker NAKA. Nakamoto, meanwhile, will reside within, a sleek, digital parasite hosting within a slightly bewildered organism. It’s a fascinating, if somewhat unsettling, symbiosis.

Enter Cyvers Alerts, the blockchain security watchdogs who sound alarms like nervous grandmothers at a thunderstorm. According to their X post, this “unusual activity” spanned multiple blockchains-including Ethereum, Avalanche, Arbitrum, BASE, Optimism, Mantle, and Polygon-funneling most of the funds into two mysterious addresses. The attackers wasted no time swapping assets, presumably while sipping champagne and laughing maniacally. 😈

Alas, the PPI data insists the Consumer Price Index (CPI) might soon match the temperament of a scorned lover-blazing hot and not at all interested in calming down. This turn of economic melodrama prompted over $1 billion in liquidations across the crypto leveraged market, with long traders taking the most tragic role-$827 million gone, vanishing with all the subtlety of a magician’s debt.

Let’s start with the good news (because why not?). Over the past year, the supply of USD Coin (USDC) soared by a mind-blowing 90%, reaching $61.3 billion. I mean, you might want to sit down before you hear this next bit – revenue, including those charming reserve incomes, jumped a mere 53%, reaching a total of $658 million. Sure, that’s enough money to fill a decent-sized swimming pool… of money. But analysts? They’re not jumping in.

So here’s the tea: On Aug. 12, Kraken dropped the news that it’s now fully operational in every single one of the 30 EEA nations. Why? Because apparently, they got their hands on a Markets in Crypto-Assets Regulation (MiCA) license faster than you can say “Bitcoin.” 🚀 And guess what? This isn’t just some flimsy piece of paper-it’s basically the golden ticket to passporting services across Europe without needing to beg each country for permission. Talk about efficiency!

This colossal purchase includes a fleet of 17,280 ASICs-tiny silicon soldiers in a war for dominance-and no doubt, they are protected from the whims of tariffs that make importing equipment nearly as expensive as the hardware itself. Everyone wants to avoid the American trade tariffs, which are like that uninvited guest who shows up and eats all your snacks-except here, it’s tariffs eating into the profits.

While the grandees of the crypto world, Dogecoin (DOGE) and Shiba Inu (SHIB), have stumbled like drunken philosophers, USELESS dances triumphantly, defying logic and reason! 🕵️‍♂️