Cryptonews

Despite the dismal performance, crypto analyst Weslad (bless his optimistic soul) dares to suggest that the worst might still be lurking in the shadows. A ‘corrective structure’-that’s what they’re calling it now-has appeared on the meme coin’s chart, forming a bearish flag. Oh, the drama! As this technical ballet unfolds, Weslad warns that a more substantial crash could be imminent, all while Dogecoin attempts to recover its pride. It’s like watching a tragic hero stumble, but you just know it’s going to end badly. 🍿

The Facts

Amid this negative market trend, whales have also been spotted increasingly dumping off the ADA tokens in what looks like major selling attempts. Or perhaps they’re just trying to get a better view of the ocean from the deck of their crypto yacht. 🐋💸

Turns out, only a tiny “elite” (read: people who actually read the fine print) are making any real money. The rest? Well, they’re just throwing darts at a board and hoping for the best. As 10x puts it, “Accuracy and profit are driven not by the crowd, but by a tiny, informed elite who price probability, hedge exposure, and extract premium from retail-driven longshots.” Translation: The smart kids are taking lunch money from the rest of the class. 🥪💸

The connection between CZ and Aster? It’s like a love story written by a spreadsheet. CZ, ever the enthusiastic investor, has poured his hard-earned (or perhaps stolen) coins into the decentralized derivatives exchange, which has, in turn, caused the price to rocket higher than a dragon on a caffeine rush. 🚀📈

ADA has been coasting sideways at around $0.427 like it’s emotionally unavailable, sending mixed signals like a bad texter. You’d think a transfer this big would cause some drama-like a crypto soap opera climax. But nah. The market yawned, took a sip of lukewarm trader tea, and said, “Cool story, bro,” before going back to doomscrolling the order book.

Bernstein, the investment firm that probably has a framed “World’s Okayest Analysts” mug in their office, just released a new Bitcoin forecast. Their thesis? Bitcoin’s four-year cycle is as outdated as Crocs at a fashion show, and institutions are now driving the price like a drunk uncle at a go-kart track 🏎️.

So, MegaETH is rolling out its mainnet beta, aka Frontier, to developers next week. A Dec. 8 update on X (yes, the platform formerly known as Twitter-keep up, people! 🐦➡️✕) confirmed that infrastructure teams are already setting up camp. Think of it as a digital gold rush, but with fewer pickaxes and more Python scripts. 🐍

According to a certain “analyst” named Ted Pillows, Ethereum has become less of a gamble and more of a Russian novel. The $3,000 level, once shuddering under the weight of retreating bears, now clings to hope like a beggar to a palace. Ted’s notes gleam with the wisdom of hindsight: “The whales are aboard, baby!”-though whether these giants swim toward treasure or a debt-induced whirlpool remains unclear.

The operation began as a minor investigation into a crypto platform that looked about as trustworthy as a screen door on a submarine. But lo and behold, it spiraled into a labyrinthine money-laundering circus, swiping over $815 million (€700 million) from victims who probably thought they were investing in the next big thing (spoiler: they weren’t).