Cryptonews

According to CoinMarketCap—I mean, who are we kidding, right?—the trading volume is at $519.18 million. That’s hogging more attention than the new coffee shop on the corner. All of this circled around Ethereum like a moth to a flame after it decided to breach the $3,000 mark. Just when you thought it couldn’t get weirder!

For months now, SHIB has been trying to rummage its way through a relentless downtrend, like a squirrel searching for nuts during winter—frustrating, but somehow endearing. Currently trading at about $0.00001441, it’s nudging the door of a narrow trading range which has gotten quite cozy over the past weeks. It’s broken through the 50-day and 100-day EMAs, leaving a trail of modest victories in its wake.

the federal government has been merrily liquidating its Bitcoin holdings, which would be worth a cool $3.4 billion in today’s market 🤑.

According to a well-respected, or at least well-read, Bloomberg article (the financial gossip column for the financially inclined), Bilal bin Saqib—the head honcho of the Crypto Council and a special assistant to the Prime Minister (what a title, eh?)—decided it was high time to have a chinwag with El Salvador’s very own president, Nayib Bukele. This little rendezvous, which took place in the exotic land of South America (where the coffee is good and the air is humid), was all about sharing knowledge on the madcap venture known as cryptocurrency. 🍵

Adding a dash of drama to the unfolding saga, Justin Sun, the ever-ambitious entrepreneur, has pledged to purchase a staggering $100 million worth of TRUMP. To date, he has managed to acquire around $26.4 million, with the lion’s share coming directly from the Trump team. Sleptsov, with the wisdom of a seasoned observer, anticipates that the remainder of the purchase will likely come from over-the-counter deals with early unlock recipients. 🤑

This daring feat took place in the sunny city of Miami, Florida, where the DEA and FBI, with their keen eyes and nimble fingers, outwitted the cartel’s digital wizards. It’s as if they had a secret recipe for catching crooks, and it involves a generous dash of technology and a pinch of good old-fashioned detective work. 🕵️‍♂️

Paul Grewal, Coinbase’s Chief Legal Officer, took to X (yes, that’s still a thing apparently) to clarify their high-minded stance. He tweeted—and I imagine in a deeply dramatic voice—“Federal issues belong in federal court.” Because nothing says fun like watching a bunch of legal eagles squabble over who gets to dictate the future of digital assets while the rest of us are just trying to figure out how to buy a cup of coffee with our Bitcoin. ☕💸

According to a recent report from the Bangkok Post, the government regulators have, with the solemnity of a coronation, scheduled a public hearing for this sandbox proposal. The crypto sandbox, a term that sounds as if it were plucked from the pages of a futuristic novel, is designed to cater to the whims of foreign tourists, allowing them to convert their digital assets into Thai baht through local exchanges. Thus, they may indulge in the pleasures of everyday transactions in the country, from sipping coconut water on the beach to bargaining for trinkets in the bustling markets, all with the wave of a smartphone.

According to analysts, this altcoin rally might be led by solid Layer-1 blockchains, marking a shift away from the memecoin-driven hype.

In an event reminiscent of a theatrical unveiling, Governor Gavin Newsom disclosed the so-called California Breakthrough Project, a venture birthed within the very walls of Ripple’s headquarters, with the crypto wizards of Coinbase casting long shadows over the proceedings. Ah, these luminaries of finance, like modern-day magicians, proclaim themselves as advisors to facilitate the insipid mechanisms of state agencies with their dazzling array of advanced technology—such as generative AI, which, while promising, often more closely mirrors an abstract painting than anything resembling pragmatism.