In a turn of events more shocking than a clean bill from a Moscow bureaucrat, Ethereum-yes, that digital phoenix with gas fees and dreams-has recently stood taller than its elder, creakier brother, Bitcoin. While Bitcoin slouched, nursing a 1.95% loss like a wounded Cossack, Ethereum strided forward with a majestic 0.86% gain. 🦶💥 To the faithful, this is nothing short of a miracle-a single ray of light piercing the fog of market despair.
Oh. My. God. Apparently, BPCE, this massive French bank, is actually doing something slightly…modern. Like, actually letting its customers buy Bitcoin and Ether inside their banking app. Seriously. I mean, I’ve spent years expertly avoiding understanding cryptocurrency, and now it\’s appearing on my banking app? 😩 It’s like suddenly your grandmother started talking about NFTs. It feels…wrong. But also, potentially lucrative?
Instead of behaving like an asset anticipating presents and eggnog, Bitcoin is acting like it needs someone to write it a permission slip. And that someone, naturally, is the Federal Reserve. You’d think we’d have learned by now that basing your financial fate on the whims of a central bank is… sub-optimal, but here we are. 🤦
Behold, the Ministry of Finance-in its infinite wisdom-broadcasted on a social media platform known as X on that inimitable day, December 5th, that it had convened a bedazzling gathering poised to draft a National Digital Asset Framework. No lesser luminaries than Finance Minister Senator Muhammad Aurangzeb, the Pakistan Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority (PVARA) Chairman Bilal Bin Saqib, and the nimble-footed CEO of Binance, Mr. Richard Teng, graced this august assembly. 🌟🎩
More than three years and some months since Kwon’s kingdom crumbled into dust, an awkward resurrection is underway. Development seems to spring from community votes-proof that even in the apocalypse, people love to argue over code, or maybe just because they have nothing better to do.
Filed on December 2, 2025, this masterpiece of financial theater was promptly handed to the House Financial Institutions Committee – a group presumably chosen for their ability to spell “ETF” without laughing. Unlike other states playing it safe with crypto-as-snack-food options, Indiana says, “Here, have a main course of Bitcoin!”
This isn’t just about a social media slap on the wrist. No, no, no. We’re talking about a full-blown war on digital privacy. Like the EU woke up and decided, “Hey, let’s ruin the internet-again!” They’re building a surveillance empire, from social media to your crypto transactions. It’s like Big Brother with a crypto badge. Security, transparency… all just fancy words now. 🙄
🔴 EXCLUSIVE @TheBigWhale_: BPCE now lets customers buy crypto assets.
This price resurgence has been fueled by renewed attention on founder Do Kwon’s upcoming case decision, scheduled for December 11th. Because nothing says “investment opportunity” like a guy who’s already pleaded guilty to fraud. 🕵️♂️💸
Are we witnessing the Bardian patience of tradethy athletes perceiving Ethereum through the sepia-tinted glasses of posterity?
