In a thrilling twist of irony, Coinbase Assets announced on X (formerly known as “that platform where everyone yells”) that JITOSOL and MPLX are now “live” on their platform. Because nothing says *“we believe in your financial future”* like adding assets that immediately crater in value. 🎉
In a delightful escapade on the social media stage, known as X (how quaint), our good chap Hougan—ever the optimist—declares that the second-most glamorous digital asset will continue its meteoric rise, thanks to the throngs clamoring for it like it’s the last drink at a soirée.
Kiyosaki admits ETFs lower the gate for folks to jump into these assets, but dang it, you’re not holdin’ the real McCoy – just a fancy IOU. He laid it out clear as a summer day on Friday:
Michel, in a video chat that’s gone viral on X—courtesy of some crypto guru named JackTheRippler—paints a picture of Ripple as the unsung hero, ready to slap XRP on the throne as the ultimate bridge currency. It’s meant to zip money across borders faster than a whisper, all while keeping costs laughably low. As if the world has no choice but to lean on this blockchain bandwagon when economies teeter like drunks on a ledge. He smirks that in the rush to avoid total meltdown, governments might just grab what’s handy, like Ripple’s ready-made setup, instead of fumbling through their own creations. 😏 After all, why reinvent the wheel when you can hitch a ride on a rollercoaster?
The presiding Judge, with a gravity that could only be matched by the weight of the sealed statement, has kept the identities of the accused shrouded in mystery. Yet, it seems the possible charges will not rain down upon Dragonfly as a whole, nor its vast expanse of employees. General Partner Tom Schmidt, when called to the stand, chose the path of silence, invoking the Fifth Amendment with a flourish that would have made any seasoned lawyer proud.
Maartun, that indefatigable analyst of the blockchain, has observed that Larsen still clutches 2.58 billion XRP tokens, a sum so vast it could fund a modest empire—or at least a very large yacht. At current valuations, this hoard is worth a modest $7.9 billion. One might say Larsen’s fingers are still dusted with the glitter of opportunity. ✨
Daniel Tan, a portfolio manager at Grasshopper Asset Management (yes, that’s a real name, and no, they don’t actually manage grasshoppers), says bond buyers are swarming in like it’s a Black Friday sale. “We are definitely seeing more buyers of local-currency Asian bonds than in pre-April,” he says, which roughly translates to: “People are ditching the dollar faster than a bad Tinder date.” 🚀
One may recall that during the previous annum, our esteemed Hogan’s X (a platform once known by the common name of Twitter) was subject to an unfortunate hacking incident, aimed at the promotion of yet another fictitious meme coin. The curious resurrection of this non-existent token commenced posthaste after yesterday’s lamentable news. 🤦♂️
Over the past week, Bitcoin has been trading in a narrow range. It moves up slightly, then drops back down, showing no real commitment in either direction. Some analysts thought the recent dip could have been the final low, but the bounce from there wasn’t strong or convincing enough. The price structure suggests that the market hasn’t made a decision yet. 🕳️
Meanwhile, Ethereum (ETH), our second favorite child, had its ups and downs like a bad soap opera plot! It danced to a high of $3,768, flirted with the lows at $3,586, and then got its act together to settle at a respectable $3,731. Talk about a rollercoaster! And let’s not forget Ripple (XRP) who is moving about like a wayward schoolboy, up almost 1% at $3.13, while Solana (SOL) is taking a thoughtful dive of over 2% at around $181. Yes, folks, Dogecoin (DOGE), the meme lord, is also feeling the pinch, down 2% at $0.232. Perhaps it needs a better PR team? 🍕
