Cryptonews

And what of others? The grand tale continues:

Le célèbre Kusama, autrefois simple camarade, déclare, avec la gravité d’un Molière en pleine tirade : « Hélas! Voilà le dessein fixé : bannir tout pouvoir individuel pour mieux servir la multitude! La noble Shiba est faite pour la décentralisation, comme le sont les villes pour les baladins. C’est donc à l’élection, ce funeste et délicieux jeu, de commencer cette nouvelle ère! » Et tout cela, ne l’oublions point, en attisant la flamme du « cinquième année de Shib »-car rien ne plaît plus que de compter les années comme on compte les coupures de tabac. 🎭✨

This newfound clarity has not only boosted stablecoin adoption but also set the stage for a crypto carnival. Institutional fears? Gone. Retail hesitations? Vanished. In their place, a flood of capital, enthusiasm, and-let’s be honest-a fair share of greed. But who are we to judge? After all, isn’t greed the lifeblood of innovation? Or at least, the lifeblood of meme coins 🤑.

On a Tuesday, when the world was ripe for drama, the SEC proclaimed that liquid staking, in its enigmatic essence, shall not be shackled by the chains of security offerings. Yet, Fischer, in a missive on the digital altar of X, drew a parallel so audacious it made the crypto masses recoil. “Behold,” she cried, “the SEC blesses the very rehypothecation that felled Lehman Brothers-only in crypto, the shadows are deeper, and the overseers are blind!” 🤡📉

Hold onto your hats, folks! Hyperliquid just hit $1.1B in annualized revenue for July, growing 40% month-over-month! 📈 That’s right, 40%! Even the Great Glass Elevator wouldn’t go that fast! 🚀 As HYPE consolidates on the charts, the market cap to revenue ratio (MC/Rev) is back to 11.2x, a sharp rebound from its 7.2x low in April. Jon Ma says it’s like Hyperliquid’s wearing a jetpack compared to its fintech and crypto pals. 🛩️

Our hero Zhao, residing in the sands and sun of the UAE, bravely declared that the accusation that he masterminded any shady transfers is as silly as blaming the moon for a bad hair day. The lawsuit, apparently, is out there blaming him for the misdeeds of Sam Bankman-Fried-the once-celebrated genius turned jailbird-who received his 25-year vacation for orchestrating one of the biggest frauds in recent memory. 📉🔒

Now, exchanges, my pet, are the lifeblood of this crypto circus. For the uninitiated, choosing one can be as daunting as selecting the perfect hat for Ascot. Fear not! I’ve compiled a list of the most divine exchanges to tickle your fancy:

Over a mere 24 hours, a staggering $1.4 billion in realized profit has been siphoned off the Tron network-a euphemism for a digital slaughter, really. This isn’t just a ripple; it’s a tsunami, the second largest bounty of 2025 so far. If you’re wondering what “Realized Profit” means, well, think of it as the grim tally of investors who managed to sell high before the inevitable collapse. It’s like a digital yard sale-only the yard is burning, and everyone’s eager to grab their share of the ashes.

Bitcoin-a noble beast, perhaps a bit off its moorings-briefly dipped to the magical figure of $112,044 this past Sunday. The number dances, the charts tremble, and traders clutch their pearls while the market wobbles through a few volatile days, finally settling around $113,839-because why not? According to Nansen, who apparently has a crystal ball, this charming volatility is just another act in the grand crypto theater.

Over in the land of the free and the home of the SEC filings, companies are spilling the beans about their XRP crush. Flora Growth Corp., bless their hearts, is all like, “Yeah, we’ve got XRP in our crypto bouquet, right next to Ethereum and Solana.” Because, you know, nothing says ‘financial diversification’ like throwing a few digital coins into the mix. 🌸🤑