Cryptonews

The latest genius idea? Mandating messaging platforms like WhatsApp, Signal, and Telegram to inspect every message, photo, and video you send, starting in October. And here’s the kicker: they want to do this even if your messages are end-to-end encrypted, which you might think keeps things private – guess again! French tech blogger Korben suggested this plan is so invasive, it’s as if the Post Office decided to read your letters before sealing them, just to keep things “safe.” 🕵️‍♂️📬

After a Q1 that left it bleeding $295 million-a wound deep enough to make even the stoutest heart wince-Galaxy Digital has risen like a phoenix from the ashes of its own folly. On a Tuesday in August, no less, the firm, birthed by the ever-optimistic Mike Novogratz, trumpeted its quarterly earnings with all the fanfare of a circus arriving in town. 🎪🎉

Now, about those ETFs-oh boy. They’re throwing a tantrum, with the biggest one-day outflow in over a year. Over $465 million just vanished into thin air, as if someone finally realized, “Wait, can I really trust this stuff?” And then on Friday, just to keep things interesting, another $152 million took a hike. Total for August? An eye-waterin’, mind-bogglin’ $617 million. That’s not just a bad week; it’s like the Titanic hitting an iceberg, but instead of sinking, Ethereum just shrugs and goes, “Meh.”

В это время – новости с рынков! Неспокойные дела: слабая занятость, политические пертурбации, и наш любимый – бак был настойчиво намекает на перемены. Трейдеры, словно лавочники на базаре, решают ставить всё на смену курса – и ставят! В сентябре, говорят, ставки снизят. Ну, кто ей верует-то? Вчера было 94%, сегодня – 88%, да и то, как бы сказать – «может и не снизу».

CryptoQuant, the Sherlock Holmes of blockchain data, chimed in to say this figure is 3.5 times higher than the last time ETH was at similar price levels. 🕵️♂️🔍 Apparently, everyone’s suddenly hungry for leveraged exposure, though funding rates remain as neutral as a Swiss diplomat. 🤷♂️ No one’s gone full bull or bear yet, which means the stage is set for a dramatic buildup of positions-or, as I like to call it, a financial game of Jenga. 🪨🤏

Unless, of course, you’re the proactive type who doesn’t enjoy watching their crypto take an eternal dirt nap. If that’s you, grab your tokens and hightail it to the Polkadot network using one of those “trusted bridges”-because, let’s be honest, in crypto, “trusted” is just a fancy way of saying “probably won’t steal your lunch money.” 🌉🤞

Peirce took no prisoners when she slammed the Bank Secrecy Act (BSA), which basically turned banks into nosy neighbors for the government. In 2024 alone, over 25 million transaction reports were filed by 324,000 financial institutions. That’s more paperwork than your grandma’s attic! 📊 Oh, and let’s not forget the Consolidated Audit Trail (CAT), where every trade you make gets tracked-even if you’re as innocent as a kitten. 🐱

Enter stage left, our crypto oracle, Mike Alfred, who has donned his crystal ball to predict the next act in this financial farce. He’s taken a good, hard look at the previous cycles and the subsequent bear market lows, revealing just how far our dear Bitcoin could tumble.

The crypto market finally hit the $3.8 trillion mark again on August 4th, bouncing back from a dip below $3.70 trillion. Like, what did it do, take a quick nap?

Oh, the sweet, intoxicating smell of *”next big thing”*-capital flooding in, fresh new stablecoins promising to revolutionize the crypto landscape. Who could resist? But is it the next *breakthrough*… or the next *UST*? The jury’s still out, but don’t worry, you’ll know soon enough.