Now, everybody’s whispering, “Ooh, maybe it’ll hit $3 again!” Sure, anything’s possible. Next, you’ll tell me George will pay for dinner. The latest bounce is not just a relief rally, they say. If the ‘significant resistance levels’ drop, then-oh, I’m sorry, am I losing you? Welcome to crypto, where resistance means you probably owe someone money. Nothing says ‘fun’ like a rally that ends with a faceplant.
So, here’s the deal: Arbitrum has quietly (because when does anything make noise in crypto except scams?) ticked up in usage, all thanks to whatever magic Jesse Peralta claims to have seen in his latest chart. There’s this “noticeable uptick”—which is analyst-speak for “Hey, something moved on the graph so let’s act like it matters.” The adoption rate even flirted with 50%, which is impressive… until it isn’t. You ever seen a coin break up with its own momentum this fast? It’s like watching someone get excited about getting 20% off at a store where they never shop.
Picture this: Odisea, Plume, Galaxy Ventures, and Anchorage Digital have teamed up to launch Ascend, a startup accelerator so exclusive it makes the Oscars look like a local talent show. Their mission? To turn already-established startups into the “standard-bearers” of crypto’s institutional adoption. Because, of course, anyone can just *start* a crypto project; it takes true mastery to make the institutional world bow down. 🏆
Reuters whispers this daring plan: Bullish, the illustrious name of this spectacle, aims for a valuation of over four billion dollars, eyeing a treasure chest of $629 million from its 20.3 million shares, priced tantalizingly between $28 and $31. Ah, the sweet scent of excess! 💰
Now, some of the folks watchin’ this rigged game reckon the gap between IBIT and its rivals might just get bigger—especially after that shiny new rule from the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). On July 29, the SEC gave a fat thumbs-up, increased the limits on Bitcoin ETF options contracts from a measly 25,000 all the way to 250,000—fancy speak for makin’ it easier for these funds to bet big. But, hold onto yer hats, not every competitor gets the same break—Fidelity’s FBTC, for instance, is left out in the cold. 🌵
One particularly voracious whale, in a display of financial bravado, devoured 300 million ETH in over-the-counter purchases at Galaxy Digital. Arkham Intelligence, ever the vigilant chronicler of such excesses, notes that this single address now holds 79,461 ETH—a modest $282.4 million. One can only imagine the size of its digital wallet. Perhaps it doubles as a yacht? 🚀💼
In a rather theatrical post on the social media stage known as X, Kiyosaki, with his 2.8 million followers hanging on his every word, has declared that Bitcoin might just tumble below the $90,000 mark this month. Why, you ask? Well, it’s all thanks to what he charmingly dubs the “August Curse.” One can only imagine the dramatic music playing in the background. 🎶
Need to make sure that the Dostoevsky style is consistent. Use words like “profound”, “existential”, “moral”, “dilemma”. Maybe add some rhetorical questions. For example, “What is the purpose of this server, if not to serve the greater good, or perhaps to feed the insatiable hunger for control?”
Bullish, a crypto exchange backed by billionaire investor Peter Thiel, has filed for an initial public offering (IPO) in the United States. According to Reuters, the company is expecting to raise as much as $629 million with a market valuation of $4.23 billion. It is the second time Bullish has tried to be listed in four years. 🚀💰
Last week, Bitcoin was the star of a tragicomic opera, descending precipitously to a humiliating $112K on Saturday — as if it had suddenly remembered it’s only a digital asset and not a superhero. But behold, like a stubborn mule, it hauled itself back during those glamorous pre-trading hours on Monday, flirting with $115K again. The macroeconomic melodrama was nothing short of theatrical: strong GDP numbers tried to impress, only to be overshadowed by a jobs report that made everyone yawn. Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve, keeping its poker face, stayed put in the 4.25-4.50% range — perhaps worried about what the Trump administration might do next, or maybe just bored of playing the same hand. Naturally, BTC took a nosedive after Jerome Powell’s Wednesday speech, because who doesn’t love a good plot twist?
