Cryptonews

What was hailed as a beacon of progress—ah, but what a noble pursuit!—turned out to be a web of deceit, spun by one Rowland Marcus Andrade, a man whose soul, if it had one, was as hollow as a counterfeit coin. His AML Bitcoin, that “groundbreaking” token, was but a mirage, a fleeting illusion for the gullible, who poured their life’s savings into a fantasy.

As August dawns, Solana finds itself in a delightful predicament! The CME futures open interest has ballooned to a staggering $800 million, a 370% leap from July’s modest $170 million. The chart, courtesy of SolanaFloor, reveals a dramatic shift in the appetites of our institutional friends, coinciding with the debut of the first U.S.-approved Solana staking ETF. It appears traditional finance has decided to join the party, leaving other exchanges like MEXC and KuCoin feeling rather left out! 🍾

What a fascinating twist! The bright-eyed seers over at Arkham have recently unveiled that the very address which transferred the $ETH had previously amassed a staggering $800 million for our prodigious SharpLink Gaming. Verily, the latest transaction, a bountiful $108.6 million, was dispatched to none other than that illustrious institution, Galaxy Digital OTC. One can almost hear the merry jingles of prosperity! 🎉

Originally, Sun scored a seat on Jeff Bezos’ first party bus to space back in 2021. Classic move: buys the ticket, makes a big splash, and then bails last second. Like the guy who RSVPs to your wedding and never shows up. Very on brand. 🤷‍♂️

Lo and behold, the blockchain sleuths at Lookonchain caught the fella hawking millions in Ethereum (ETH), Pepe (PEPE—a memecoin so random it’d make a jester blush), and Ethena (ENA, which sounds like a Bond villain’s crypto wallet). 💸

This fine piece of bronze, which looked suspiciously like a giant robot with a funny hat, was peacefully standing in Lugano, pondering the mysteries of the universe. Installed by the quirky folks at Satoshigallery, it was just minding its own business, gazing smugly at passers-by. Until one day, poof! The statue disappeared faster than a bitcoin on a bull run. The culprits? Well, someone’s got some explaining to do, and a small fortune of roughly 4,000 dollars, in crypto terms, is up for grabs to find out! 🎯

July’s numbers—brought to you by the sharp-eyed bean counters at cryptoslam.io—show Ethereum struttin’ its stuff at the front of the parade with $296.5 million in NFT sales. That’s a jump of 69.63% compared to the prior period, which for crypto fans feels like finding a nickel you’d already spent. Leading the charge were NFT collections Cryptopunks (bringing in $62.7 million, up a comically wild 491.79%) and those slippery little Pudgy Penguins, sliding their way up 369.58% to $26.2 million in sales. Even my Aunt Polly would’ve been tempted to buy a digital penguin at those rates. 🐧

While XRP has managed a modest bounce from the morning’s botched attempt at a rally—clinging to a modest $2.72, down from previous glory—it’s still off more than 10% for the week, making even seasoned traders contemplate career changes. The magic number? $3, that stubborn support level XRP has now abandoned like a bad date.

But wait—there’s a flicker of hope! On-chain data whispers sweet nothings about a possible rebound. A little birdie says sentiment might be shifting faster than a chameleon at a rainbow convention. Could this be the comeback story we didn’t see coming? Stay tuned, folks.

The crypto bazaar has just concluded an impromptu 48-hour liquidation masquerade. Bitcoin [BTC] and Ethereum [ETH] did not slip quietly—they tumbled, taking with them heaps of Open Interest and, presumably, a small nation’s collective composure.