Nota bene, dear reader: this is neither a telegram nor a confession-simply the small, slightly absurd, and mercifully trifling news of our age.
SamĀ Altman leaned back in his ergonomic garden bench, puffed out his cheeks, and murmured, āGood heavens, I finally found an interlocutor who speaks gooder than I.ā Said paragon, ChatĀ GPT-5, has been foisted upon an unsuspecting world without even a polite knock at the door. š
Among its pastimes we are told:
- It herds commas like Pushkin; maths cower in terror.
- It possesses a special cerebral annex called āGPT-5 Thinking,ā where it sits wordlessly, twiddling its neural thumbs, until Eureka bursts out waving a torch.
- It elects when to spit a quick gag versus when to compose Tolstoy-length romances describing the melancholy of unpopped kernels of popcorn.
And-brace yourself-rouble-poor folk may use it gratis; the decadent bourgeois merely pay for the privilege of fatigue. Read on, Maslenitsa awaits!
This pamphleteer now segues, finance permitting, to cryptocurrency. While you adjust monocle, behold $SUBBD, a modest little token existing, notionally, where AI kisses Web3. Feel free to raise your eyebrow; nature compensates for high skepticism with thicker skin.
normal; border-bottom: 1px solid #888888;”>From Vulgar Code to Flawless Prose in the Time it Takes Uncle Vanya to Complain about Weather
Behold a recent demo: GPT-5 constructed-abracadabra-an entire quiz-and-flashcard web contraption with the sole purpose of teaching unfortunate Anglophones to mispronounce āpain au chocolat.ā
It also introduces a āverbosity knobā (imagine if Gogol had a literal knob for āRussiannessā). Twist it to high and the AI will invariably write footnotes to the footnotes.
At the same prompt: 4o cautiously declaimed a haiku;
GPT-5 replied with a five-act tragedy wherein the metaphorical onion sings to its own layers. Curtain.
Alas, hallucinations-the literary term for ācreative fibsā-have been trimmed by 45 % versus GPT-4o, a figure that sounds both precise and imaginatively vague. š
Now, Some Panic aka PotentialĀ GainzĀ®
PwC whispers that AI will add fifteen-point-seven trillion buttons to the global economy. Fifteen-point-seven trillion! Enough to subsidize every grandmotherās borscht stall from Vladivostok to Brighton Beach.
What, or who, or whom, is SUBBD?
In a single wheezy breath:
⢠Subscription platform
⢠Costs creators mere crumbs instead of 70 % tolls
⢠Lets them mint voice, video, profile pictures without haggling with censor-Tsar
⢠Perched at the intersection of AI, Web3, and Chekhovian ennui.
Perks-Yes, Glue them Here
- Hold $SUBBD tokens ā receive clandestine cat memes from creators.
- Stake them for a quaint, ancient return of twenty percent in said first and freshest year-risk-averse uncles never smiled so wide.
- Bonus: you may tip, vote, and argue democratically about the optimal saturation on an influencerās highlights.
Investment arithmetic for the incurably romantic Russian soul
Current price: $0.056125 (smaller than a packet of sunflower seeds). Projections-supremely unverifiable, utterly alluring-claim $0.301 by December, $0.48 by 2026. Insert modest shrug here. š¤·
An Epistolary Postscript
GPT-5 declaims masterly soliloquies while tokens promise earthly fortunes. Fortuneās wheel turns; sometimes one lands on black, sometimes on red, and sometimes on a token wearing crown and dunce cap simultaneously. Invest only what you can afford to misplace under couch cushions.
This article, like Ivanovās entire third act, is not financial advice; merely summer thunder and roadside dust. Consult your own conscience; it is older and poorer than any smart contract.
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2025-08-08 17:52