Coinbase CEO’s Great Escape: $550M in Stock Vanishes Faster Than a Wizard’s Hat!

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  • Brian Armstrong, the cunning CEO of Coinbase, managed to offload over 1.5 million shares worth a cool $550M between April 2025 and January 2026. That’s more disappearing acts than a Discworld con artist!
  • COIN stock took a nosedive, plummeting 13.3% to $146.12, while Bullish followed suit with an 8.5% drop to $24.90. Seems like the market’s sense of humor is as dry as a troll’s bathwater.
  • Cathie Wood’s Ark Invest joined the party, dumping $19M worth of COIN shares as Bitcoin flirted with $60,000. Talk about a crypto rollercoaster!

In a move that would make even Moist von Lipwig blush, Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong has been quietly slipping out the back door with $550M in stock over nine months. Public records show he’s been lightening his load faster than a wizard shedding a cursed amulet. And just in time, too, as COIN stock is now trading near the bottom of its 52-week range. Coincidence? Probably not. The timing is as suspicious as a dwarf offering to buy you a drink.

The disclosures, which surfaced ahead of Coinbase’s earnings report, reveal Armstrong disposed of over 1.5 million shares. Matthew Sigel, Head of Digital Assets Research at VanEck, spilled the beans, showing Armstrong’s sales totaled about $545.7 million. The largest single-day sale? A whopping $119 million on June 25, 2025. That’s enough to make even a dragon hoard look modest.

Matthew Sigel, Head of Digital Assets Research at VanEck, revealed that Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong continued to sell company stock from April 2025 to January 2026, offloading over 1.5 million shares for approximately $550 million. The largest sale occurred on June 25, 2025,…

– Wu Blockchain (@WuBlockchain)

Armstrong’s selling spree didn’t stop there. On Jan. 5, 2026, he sold another 40,000 shares at $254.92 each. That’s the most recent transaction we know of, but who’s to say he’s done? After all, when the ship is sinking, even the captain grabs a lifeboat.

COIN Shares: A Comedy of Errors

Coinbase shares took a beating, dropping 13.3% to $146.12 in the latest trading session. Bullish shares weren’t far behind, falling 8.5% to $24.90. It seems the crypto market is having a worse day than a troll with a toothache. Earlier this year, COIN was trading at $262, but since then, it’s been on a downward spiral faster than a broomstick with a broken wing.

Goldman Sachs, ever the optimist, upgraded COIN to a buy rating on Jan. 5, setting a price target of $303. Their reasoning? Growth in non-trading revenue. Meanwhile, JPMorgan slashed its price target by 27%, citing lower trading volumes and slower stablecoin growth. Talk about a mixed bag of opinions-it’s like asking a group of wizards to agree on anything.

Armstrong’s Net Worth: From Billionaire to “Just” Millionaire

Brian Armstrong has fallen from the Bloomberg Billionaires Index faster than a novice wizard falling off a broomstick. His net worth peaked at $17.7 billion in July 2025 but has since shrunk to a mere $7.5 billion. Most of his remaining fortune is tied to his 14% stake in Coinbase, which has been on a wild ride with the stock price. Public market pricing, eh? More like a public market rollercoaster.

Cathie Wood’s Ark Invest also decided to cut its losses, dumping over $19 million in Coinbase shares as Bitcoin dipped toward $60,000. The firm sold 119,236 COIN shares across its ETFs, proving that even the most bullish investors can get cold feet. Market volatility, indeed-it’s enough to make a dwarf’s beard turn gray.

BREAKING: Cathie Wood’s Ark Invest dumped over $19 million in Coinbase shares amid Bitcoin’s plunge to nearly $60,000, cutting 119,236 shares across its ETFs.

– Jacob King (@JacobKinge)

Despite the chaos, Coinbase is pressing on with its product expansion. The company recently introduced “Agentic Wallets,” designed for autonomous AI agents. According to Coinbase, these wallets allow AI systems to hold funds, send payments, trade tokens, and transact onchain. Because what the world needs now is AI managing money-what could possibly go wrong?

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2026-02-12 21:45