Dearest reader, welcome to the most scandalously delightful crypto briefing—where fortunes are made, lost, and occasionally rediscovered like a forgotten bottle of champagne. 🍾
Ah, the sweet nectar of patience! Early Coinbase investors, who once wept into their portfolios like jilted lovers, have finally emerged from the financial abyss. How poetic! A stock once left for dead now dances upon the graves of its doubters. ☠️💃
The Resurrection of COIN: A Tale of Woe, Wait, and Wallets
Coinbase, that glittering temple of crypto commerce, made its grand debut in 2021—only to promptly collapse like a soufflé in a hurricane. From a lofty $429.54 to a pitiful $31.55, it was less a stock and more a tragic opera. 🎭
But lo! On July 18, 2025, COIN ascended to a celestial $444.65, proving that even the most forsaken investments can rise again—like a phoenix, if phoenixes were mostly held by sleep-deprived Redditors. 🔥📉📈
Congrats to Coinbase $COIN IPO Investors 🎉 You are now in the green after more than 4 years 🍀
And so, the skeptics gnash their teeth while the faithful sip their tea with smug satisfaction. The market, ever the fickle muse, has bestowed its favor upon crypto once more. How very… predictable. 😏
“I gambled $1,500 on the Coinbase IPO 4 years ago. Today I am above water,” one investor quipped, proving that even a stopped clock is right twice a day. ⏰
Meanwhile, analysts—those modern-day soothsayers—now whisper of COIN reaching $1,550. One wonders if they consult charts or crystal balls. 🔮
Macro Winds, Earnings Drama, and the Delicate Art of Not Panicking
The European Central Bank, ever the romantic, flirts with rate cuts while the Fed watches nervously from across the pond. Will they? Won’t they? The suspense is almost as thrilling as a telenovela. 🌍💔
“…Coinbase will report quarterly earnings. They will absolutely SMASH expectations. COIN continues to hunt acquisition targets. $450/share seems inevitable. COIN was trading at $175 90 days ago. Everyone has been focused on MSTR but COIN is the story,” wrote Andrew, a man who either knows something or is very good at pretending. 🤔
And let us not forget the EU and US, locked in a tariff tango that could either end in harmony or mutual destruction. Diplomacy, darling, is just capitalism with better suits. 👔
Chart of the Day
Byte-Sized Alpha (Because Who Has Time for Full Sentences?)
- Robinhood’s HOOD: Up 10 of the last 11 weeks. Even a broken clock, etc. 🕰️
- MARA, RIOT, CORZ: Also green, but let’s be honest—nobody cares as much as COIN. 💚
Crypto Equities Pre-Market Overview
| Company | At the Close of July 18 | Pre-Market Overview |
|---|---|---|
| Strategy (MSTR) | $423.22 | $430.95 (+1.83%) |
| Coinbase Global (COIN) | $419.78 | $426.69 (+1.65%) |
| Galaxy Digital Holdings (GLXY) | $27.13 | $29.87 (+10.10%) |
| MARA Holdings (MARA) | $19.51 | $19.79 (+1.44%) |
| Riot Platforms (RIOT) | $13.86 | $14.13 (+1.95%) |
| Core Scientific (CORZ) | $13.35 | $13.45 (+0.75%) |
And thus concludes today’s financial theater. Remember, dear reader: in the stock market, as in life, the only certainty is that someone, somewhere, is overreacting. Until next time! 🎭💸
Read More
- USD THB PREDICTION
- USD RUB PREDICTION
- USD NZD PREDICTION
- EUR CHF PREDICTION
- INJ PREDICTION. INJ cryptocurrency
- USD INR PREDICTION
- USD KZT PREDICTION
- EUR KRW PREDICTION
- USD BGN PREDICTION
- LINK PREDICTION. LINK cryptocurrency
2025-07-21 18:18