Coinbase Predicts Stablecoins Will Blow Up Like a Seinfeld Plot Twist-300% Boom?!

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Alright, let’s take a look at what the folks over at Coinbase are yammering about. First of all, if crypto is the Wild West, stablecoins are like the guy standing in the corner, eating a bagel, pretending he’s not involved. Now they’re saying this guy’s about to become sheriff-300% bigger in three years! That’s right, by 2028, get ready for a market cap of $1.2 trillion. 😲 Yeah, trillion… as in, that number nobody actually understands, but everyone pretends they do at parties.

According to the latest report (which I’m sure cost a fortune and could’ve bought me a nice cup of coffee), they claim:

“In our view, this doesn’t require unrealistically large or permanent rate dislocations to materialize; instead, it relies on incremental, policy-enabled adoption compounding over time.”

Translation: It’ll happen if everyone just chills out, nobody panics, and bureaucrats don’t trip over their shoelaces. Sure, sounds easy! Why not throw in world peace?

Now listen-the market for stablecoins, those dollar-pegged crypto things that are less wild than your uncle’s poker night, is apparently at a “turning point.” Oh, I love turning points! It means you were going the wrong way and finally realized it!

“The stablecoin market is at an inflection point, with its growth resting on key factors like efficient ramps, broad distribution networks, and the evolving roles of market players. At a compound annual growth rate of around 65% (since 2021), the global stablecoin market cap has breached $275 billion as of mid-August 2025, with average adjusted transaction volumes surging to $15.8 trillion in 2025 YTD (through July 31) up from $10.3 trillion over the same period in 2024, based on Artemis data.”

You know what that means? Me neither! But it sounds impressive. 65% growth? When’s the last time anything grew that fast-besides the nose hair I keep forgetting to trim?

Coinbase says they’re using some fancy model that includes the amount of US Treasuries issued, because apparently these Coins need actual dollars or Treasuries behind them. Oh, great, let’s get the government involved. That’s never slowed anything down before, right? 😅

“Our model focuses on historical observations that include (1) the recent US policy momentum (e.g., passage of the GENIUS Act, allied state/federal frameworks, etc.), (2) the integration of stablecoins into institutional rails, and (3) major improvements in fiat on/off-ramps… Moreover, we think a $1.2 trillion path is both realistic and consistent with our front-end rates model. Growing from $275 billion today to $1.2 trillion implies roughly $925 billion of net US Treasury issuance over about 175 weeks – or about $5.3 billion per week.”

So, let me get this straight. They want $925 billion more in Treasuries over 175 weeks, just so these coins can have a cushion. That’s $5.3 billion every week. I can barely keep track of my laundry, and they want to manage that kind of money? Good luck, fellas! 🚀💸

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2025-08-23 16:03