Two Solana-based altcoins, Jito Staked SOL (JITOSOL) and Metaplex (MPLX), have been granted the dubious honor of Coinbase’s “support”—a move that sent their prices plummeting with the grace of a debutante in a mosh pit. 🙈
In a thrilling twist of irony, Coinbase Assets announced on X (formerly known as “that platform where everyone yells”) that JITOSOL and MPLX are now “live” on their platform. Because nothing says *“we believe in your financial future”* like adding assets that immediately crater in value. 🎉
“Jito Staked SOL and Metaplex are now live on http://coinbase.com and in the Coinbase iOS and Android apps. Coinbase customers can log in to buy, sell, convert, send, receive or store these assets.”
Markets responded with the enthusiasm of a tax auditor on a Friday afternoon. JITOSOL tumbled to $217, down 6.8%—a performance so lackluster, even a goldfish would call it a red flag. 🚩 MPLX, meanwhile, clung to $0.169 like a bad haircut, shedding fractional value as if apologizing for existing.
JITOSOL, a “liquid staked token” (read: a financial Rolo that promises rewards while melting in your hands), boasts a “dual reward system” that accrues staking and MEV rewards. Because who *doesn’t* want to stake their SOL and feel like a medieval knight earning interest? 🏰💸
“JitoSOL is a reward-bearing LST that maintains a constant quantity in your wallet. What sets JitoSOL apart is its dual reward system, accruing both staking and MEV rewards. And as rewards accrue over time the JitoSOL/SOL exchange rate increases as well.”
Truly, a miracle of modern finance 🚀 (or perhaps a Ponzi scheme in disguise? 🤷♂️).
MPLX, the governance token for Metaplex’s NFT marketplace, exists to let users “mint, trade, and manage NFTs.” Because nothing says *“democracy in action”* like a token that grants you the right to vote on which JPEGs should exist. 🗳️🎨
In conclusion, Coinbase’s endorsement is the crypto equivalent of a participation trophy: everyone’s excited until they realize they’re still broke. 🏆💸
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2025-07-26 01:02