Crypto Bleeds! 🩸 ETFs in a Panic!

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Oy vey! So, it seems our crypto overlords are having a little *tsuris*. On September 23rd, these fancy-schmancy spot Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs decided to go on a diet… a diet of money exiting, that is! 💸 A whole $244 million walked out the door! SoSoValue says Bitcoin ETFs lost $103.61 million-a regular shpilkes!-and Ethereum ETFs? Forget about it! $140.75 million gone poof! What a catastrophe!

Bitcoin ETF Breakdown (A Comedy of Errors)

Bitcoin ETFs? They collectively lost $103.61 million. Fidelity’s FBTC took the biggest hit at $75.56 million… someone’s not having a good Yom Kippur! Ark & 21Shares’ ARKB whimpered away $27.85 million, and Bitwise’s BITB shed $12.76 million. Honestly, it’s like watching a slow-motion financial pratfall! 🤣

But wait! There’s a tiny glimmer of hope! Invesco’s BTCO actually *gained* $10.02 million, and BlackRock’s IBIT chipped in with $2.54 million. So, SOMEONE still believes! Bless their hearts.

Trading? A measly $3.16 billion. Assets? Down to $147.17 billion, which is, like, 6.6% of Bitcoin’s market cap. It’s shrinking before our very eyes! Aiiiii! 😱

Ethereum ETF Breakdown (Even MORE Trouble!)

Ethereum ETFs? Fuggedaboutit! A whopping $140.75 million vanished. Fidelity’s FETH led the charge down with $63.40 million… oy gevalt! Grayscale’s ETH fund lost $36.37 million, Bitwise’s ETHW $23.88 million, and Grayscale’s ETHE another $17.10 million. Not a single one saw a penny coming *in*! A total disaster! 🤦‍♀️

Trading volume? Down to $1.61 billion. Net assets? Plummeting to $27.48 billion – that’s a pathetic 5.45% of Ethereum’s market cap. This is worse than a Borscht Belt closing on a Tuesday!

Market Context (The Sheydimas!)

Bitcoin is currently wallowing around $112,348, a 3.4% drop from last week. Its market cap is doing the limbo, and trading volume? Down to $48.874 billion. It’s a mess, a complete and utter mess! 😩

Ethereum is hanging on at $4,155.29, with a market cap of $502.099 billion. But trading volume? Plunged a stunning $38.585 billion! You call that sentiment? I call it a shanda!

So, these two big shots – Bitcoin and Ethereum – are both lookin’ a little peaked. Analysts are predictin’ Ethereum will have a rough time ’til the end of September, and Bitcoin? It will apparently stabilize between $112,000 and $119,000. Stabilize? That’s code for “not gettin’ any better!” They’re calling this whole debacle “Red September 2025.” Red, like my face when I see my portfolio! 🤪

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2025-09-24 09:38