Crypto CEO Claims Hack Was ‘Unfounded’ as CRO Plummets! 🐍💸

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Gentlemen and ladies, gather ’round! The Crypto.com CEO, a sly fox if ever there was one, has taken to the airwaves (or X, as they call it now) to deny the whispers of a hack so scandalous, it’d make a pirate blush. “Unfounded!” he cries, as if the very idea of a data breach were a joke only the gullible would fall for. 🐍

Now, the tale goes that a band of teenage tricksters, led by a lad named Noah Urban (an 18-year-old with more time on his hands than sense), managed to phish an employee’s account like a fisherman casting a net. But fear not! The CEO assures us the breach was as harmless as a kitten with a laser pointer-“a very small number of individuals,” he says, as if that’s a comfort. 🐱

But here’s the kicker: a blockchain detective named ZachXBT (who probably drinks more coffee than a barista) claims the company covered up the whole affair. “Misinformation!” the CEO retorts, as if the truth were a rare coin he’s hoarding. “We reported it in a 2023 NMLS filing!” he shouts, as if that’s a magic spell. 📄

Meanwhile, the CRO token, once as proud as a peacock, now plummets like a rock in a river. A 10% drop in a day? Why, even a slowpoke would notice! 🚀 But the CEO remains as optimistic as a man who’s never lost a bet, hinting at an IPO and cozying up to Trump Media & Technology Group. “Security-first culture!” he declares, as if the word “security” were a talisman. 🔒

So there you have it-a tale of phishing, panic, and a token that’s as stable as a broomstick. The only thing more volatile than the CRO price? The CEO’s confidence. 💸

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2025-09-22 18:15