The grim halls of China’s central bank echoed once more with the thunderous decree of financial orthodoxy-stablecoins, those slippery little devils, have been branded a menace to the sacred order of the economy. 🏦⚡
On a dreary Saturday, after huddling with twelve other grim-faced agencies, the People’s Bank of China declared-with all the solemnity of a funeral procession-that “virtual currency speculation has crawled back from the shadows.” Oh, the horror! The audacity! The sheer disrespect for bureaucratic disdain! 😱
“Virtual currencies,” they hissed, “are not money. They shall never be money. They are the financial equivalent of a soggy noodle-useless and slightly embarrassing.”
Ah, yes, the great purge of 2021-when China, in a fit of revolutionary zeal, banished crypto trading and mining to the digital gulag. Crime was to be crushed! Financial stability was to be worshipped! And yet… somehow, Bitcoin mining still thrives like cockroaches in a dumpling shop. 🥟💀
Stablecoins: The Villains of This Tragicomedy
The bank, ever vigilant against the specter of fun, singled out stablecoins-those sneaky pretenders-as particularly villainous. “They don’t even try
And so, with the gravitas of a thousand disappointed parents, the bank vowed to “persistently crack down” on crypto-because nothing says “economic stability” like a good old-fashioned witch hunt. 🔥🧙♂️
Thirteen agencies nodded solemnly, promising to “deepen coordination” (read: spy harder) and “enhance monitoring” (read: peek into your digital windows). Meanwhile, Bitcoin miners-those stubborn little anarchists-still account for 14% of global mining. Whoops. 🤷♂️
And let’s not forget Hong Kong, that rebellious little sibling, which dared to flirt with stablecoin licensing-only to be swiftly scolded by Beijing. “No fun allowed!” cried the regulators, slamming the door shut. 🚪🔒
So here we are again, dear comrades-another chapter in China’s endless war against the ghost of Satoshi Nakamoto. Will they win? Probably not. Will they keep trying? Absolutely. Because nothing says “socialist utopia” like banning things people actually want. ✊😆
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2025-12-01 09:30