Finance
What to know (or at least pretend to care about):
- Kris Marszalek, the crypto überlord of Crypto.com, chucked $70 million in magic internet money at ai.com in April 2025. Apparently, domain names are the new dragon hoards.
- Ai.com promises a world where AI agents do your bidding, like trading stocks or scheduling your tea breaks. Because who needs friends when you have robots?
- Their Super Bowl ad was so popular it broke the internet. Or at least their website. Same difference, really.
In a move that screams “I have more money than sense,” Kris Marszalek, the big cheese at Crypto.com, decided $70 million was a perfectly reasonable price for ai.com. The FT reports this as the priciest domain sale ever, because apparently, the internet is now a high-stakes game of Monopoly.
This purchase is Marszalek’s ticket to the AI gravy train, a sector that’s ballooned to nearly $1.5 trillion in 2025. Gartner says so, and who are we to argue? Meanwhile, the tech giants are throwing around $650 billion like it’s confetti, because AI is the new black.
The deal, sealed in April 2025, was done entirely in cryptocurrency, because why use real money when you can use imaginary coins? Larry Fischer of GetYourDomain.com brokered the deal, presumably while wearing a wizard hat. The $70 million price tag dwarfs the previous record of $30 million for Voice.com, which now looks like a bargain bin purchase.
Ai.com is launching a platform where AI agents do your dirty work-trading stocks, managing calendars, and probably judging your life choices. Marszalek calls it the “front door to AGI,” which sounds suspiciously like a sci-fi plot gone wrong. “Billions of self-improving agents sharing knowledge,” he says. What could possibly go wrong?
“We’re moving beyond chatty AI to AI that actually does stuff,” Marszalek declared, presumably while his AI agent scheduled his next press conference. “Our vision is a decentralized network of billions of agents who self-improve and share these improvements with each other.” Because nothing says ‘future’ like billions of robots outsmarting us.
The platform’s Super Bowl LX ad was so successful it crashed the website. Marszalek took to X (formerly Twitter, because why not rename everything?) to blame “insane traffic levels.” Apparently, the team prepared for scale, but not for the entire internet showing up at once. Oops.
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2026-02-09 14:37