Eric Trump Joins Board as Metaplanet Tosses $5B at Bitcoin: Is This Real Life or an Onion Article?

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  • Metaplanet flings $5B at its U.S. arm like a bored billionaire at an auction—Bitcoin, baby! 🤑
  • Firm announces dream of scooping up 210,000 Bitcoin by 2027, finally out-bitcoining your cousin’s crypto tweets. 🦄
  • Eric Trump pops onto the board, presumably to add gravitas, or at least some spray tan. 🟧

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a Japanese tech company binge-watched “Wolf of Wall Street” and then decided to cosplay as Scrooge McDuck but with cryptocurrency, look no further. Metaplanet, a company apparently flush with cash and chutzpah, just green-lit a $5 billion boost to its U.S. subsidiary in Florida (because if you want to embrace wild financial adventures, you go where all good financial stories begin: Florida).

Metaplanet’s Bitcoin Hoarding Plans: Like Packing for the Apocalypse, but Shinier

Of that $5 billion mountain, the lion’s share is heading straight for Bitcoin. Metaplanet is on track to buy thirty thousand precious coins by the end of next year, and then, in true supervillain fashion, scooping up 210,000 Bitcoin by 2027. Why that particular number? Maybe Satoshi’s birthday, maybe a numerology thing, or maybe they just like round, intimidating goals.

Apparently, Metaplanet isn’t messing around in the U.S. just for tax reasons or access to all-you-can-eat buffets. Money from Series 20 to 22 stock rights will be spent on the only thing hip tech execs value more than espresso: Bitcoin. Everything else in the financial plan remains unchanged, which is impressive considering the only thing that changes faster than Bitcoin prices is the weather in Tokyo.

And just when you thought this press release couldn’t get more “Florida man with a twist,” they added Eric Trump to the board. Yes, THAT Eric Trump. The company thinks he’ll help schmooze institutional investors and government types, or maybe just add a certain reality TV glow to dull quarterly reports. Either way, Metaplanet’s U.S. move screams “we’re here to win, and possibly host a new game show.”

If You Love Bitcoin, You’ll Love the U.S… Unless You’re the SEC

Metaplanet picked America as their Bitcoin playground for its liquid markets and labyrinthine financial system—the same system that once thought Beanie Babies were an asset class. This big cash drop is the U.S. chapter of a story that began in Japan, apparently written by people raised on both samurai movies and Silicon Valley fever dreams.

Ultimately, Metaplanet envisions some sort of international Bitcoin command center, likely with swivel chairs and holograms (a guy can dream). Shareholders are supposed to get more value; in reality, they’ll probably get newsletters with lots of “inspirational” charts. Should their master plan wobble, Metaplanet promises to broadcast the drama right away—so pop popcorn accordingly.

Long story short: Metaplanet is hurling $5 billion at America to become the world’s Bitcoin overlord. If this works, they’ll be legends. If not, at least Eric Trump gets another board seat for his LinkedIn profile. 🚀

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2025-06-25 02:01