Ethereum Whale Wakes Up, Sniffs Coffee, Dumps $145M on Gemini

So, this Ethereum whale, who’s been napping harder than I do during a Seinfeld rerun, finally decides to wake up after nine years. What’s the first thing this genius does? Moves 50,000 ETH-yeah, that’s $145 million in human money-to Gemini. Why? Who knows? Maybe the guy just realized he’s been sitting on a digital goldmine since 2017, when ETH was cheaper than a cup of coffee at Monk’s Cafe. Speaking of which, he still has 85,000 ETH left, worth $244 million. What’s he gonna do, buy a planet? Meanwhile, Ethereum’s trading at $2,890, and everyone’s losing their minds trying to figure out if this is a “smart move” or just another rich guy yawning and hitting “transfer.” My guess? He’s either cashing out to buy a lifetime supply of black-and-white cookies or he’s just really bad at remembering his passwords. Either way, I’m over here with my 0.0001 ETH, feeling like George Costanza at a job interview.

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2026-01-26 14:52