In a twist that would make Dostoevsky’s characters blanch, the crypto leviathan Kraken has swallowed another $500 million, now claiming a valuation so lofty it could rival the Eiffel Tower’s hubris. This financial alchemy, orchestrated without a single lead investor (a feat akin to conducting a symphony with a ghost), attracted a cavalcade of venture capitalists, funds, and Arjun Sethi’s personal piggy bank, which, one suspects, was emptied with the existential thrill of a man betting on a moonlit séance. The spoils? A global expansion to rival Genghis Khan’s, and an IPO in 2026 that smells of hubris and lavender-scented delusion. Behold, dear reader, as the market’s masquerade begins-will the siren song of $15B charm investors, or will they flee, clutching their portfolios like a child clutching a teddy bear in a thunderstorm? 🎭🚀
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2025-09-26 10:19