Meliuz’s 908% Bitcoin Miracle: Profit, Madness, and Existential Yields Revealed!

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It is within the labyrinths of finance and folly that Meliuz, burdened by the weight of Latin American destiny, confesses to one of the greatest monetary deliriums in its inglorious history – amassing nearly $9 million, as if coins descended from the heavens, all in the name of Bitcoin. One must ask: was it providence, madness, or the bourgeois thirst for digital gold that led them here? Or simply a longing to escape the abyss of quarterly reports and the eternal spreadsheet? 😅

Meliuz Breaks Financial Records – Money Flows, Bitcoin Grows, and Existential Angst Stays 🍾

Society speaks of Bitcoin Treasury Companies as if they are new Dostoevskian protagonists, each haunted by the obsessions of profit and the specter of volatility. Meliuz, known in Brazil as the vengeful champion of cashback, donned the mask of a crypto baron, embracing the holy terror of BTC as its sacred portfolio relic. Statistics and faith joined hands – and behold, the numbers began to dance. Financial results now glimmer with hope, proving perhaps that Bitcoin doesn’t just boost interest rates, but also existential dread.

Gabriel Loures, CEO and our torchbearer through this digital underground, declares with the fever of Raskolnikov redeemer: “We have conjured profit from the jaws of despair – $1.4 million net, and the bitter memory of bleeding $11 million in 2024 now belongs to the ghosts of the audit.” If only Dostoevsky’s Ivan Karamazov had access to this quarterly report, his existential questions would remain, but he’d be far richer. 🤷‍♂️

Analysts, ever skeptical, likened the bitcoin pivot to a feverish dream – disconnected, perhaps, but Meliuz pirouetted into pioneering. Fundraising for bitcoin purchases in Brazil? Shares issued and fortunes wagered. The numbers speak: Bitcoin Yield at 908%, not because the universe is merciful, but because statistical anomalies happen when nobody’s looking. Each share now bulges with BTC. Shareholders whisper: is it genius, or an elaborate Dostoevskian prank?

Today, Meliuz holds 595.7 BTC, perched atop the Latin American mountain of digital coins, a Dostoevskian figure surveying the world from the 46th rung – not quite Napoleon, but certainly better off than Katerina Ivanovna. The average acquisition price: $103K per BTC. They have nearly $5.5 million in revenue – unrealized, of course, due to the tragicomic farce known as Brazilian accounting. If only existential profit were allowed in the bookkeeping. 🤦

Israel Salmen, the Executive Chairman, greeted the results with the stoicism of a tired Russian monk, his mind swirling with schemes to keep the Bitcoin bonanza alive. “Structures, agility, lower costs!” he declares, as if addressing a congregation yearning for salvation and cheaper capital. All in pursuit of new ways to raise investor money, all to buy more of the digital grail. “We aim for the stars – OTCQX Market in the U.S.! To find liquidity, or at least a few caffeinated investors. The company is improving, yes, and soon we’ll have enough cash to buy yet more bitcoin!”

As the curtain falls, one wonders if the next quarter will bring redemption or another Dostoevskian twist, where existential questions are traded just as feverishly as cryptocurrency. After all, the market never answers the ultimate question: what is to be done?

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2025-08-14 15:00