In a bold move that shakes the very foundations of capitalism, Metaplanet has seized 1,009 BTC for $112 million, hoarding a grotesque total of 20,000 BTC valued at $2.05 billion. Truly, the proletariat’s coins now gleam in the vaults of Japan’s most audacious corporate vampire. 🏦💥
Japan’s Metaplanet: Turning Yen into Digital Dreams (And Bitcoin) 🧨📈
Metaplanet Inc., that tireless architect of financial theater, has ascended to new heights of speculative glory. Like a beast devouring its prey, the Tokyo-listed entity swallowed 1,009 BTC at $111,100 per coin-a paltry $112 million feast-for a total so absurd it could fund a small nation’s healthcare system. Twice. 🤯
Their hoard now swells to 20,000 BTC, amassed at $2.05 billion, a cost so obscene it makes Scrooge McDuck blush. Each bitcoin, a glittering monument to their relentless pursuit of “value,” purchased at an average price that could buy you a mansion… or a moderately priced sandwich in Manhattan. 🏠🥪
To measure their “success,” Metaplanet invented buzzwords like BTC Yield-a metric so arcane it requires a Ouija board to interpret-and BTC Gain, which allegedly proves their treasury “grows” even as the real world burns. 📊👻
The numbers? A 309.8% BTC Yield in Q4 2024 (translation: “we bought a lot of crypto and prayed”) and 129.4% in Q2 2025. For Q3 2025, a modest 30.7% Yield-because even vampires tire of sucking dry the carcass of market volatility. 🧛♂️📉
Metaplanet, self-proclaimed “bitcoin treasury company,” now rivals the GDP of small island nations. Their mission? To prove that capitalism’s pinnacle is a spreadsheet tracking digital gold. 🌐👑
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2025-09-02 04:07