Let’s all gaze upon the digital Renaissance painting that is Michael Saylor’s latest AI-generated self-portrait 🦸♂️. There he stands, a glimmering “warrior” clad in pixels, clutching a sword labeled “Bitcoin Forever”-a phrase so catchy it’s basically the *Hamilton* of crypto bros 💎.
Just as Bitcoin slinks back toward $115,000 like a guilty dog returning to its vomit 😭, Saylor doubles down. Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like treating market dips like a clearance rack at T.J. Maxx.
More Bitcoin for Strategy (Because Why Not?)
In a shocking twist, Saylor’s company scooped up 430 BTC for ~$51.4 million-a modest sum, really, if you ignore the fact that it’s enough to buy a small island nation 🌍. Total stash: 629,376 BTC, now worth roughly the GDP of Luxembourg 🏦. Shareholders? They’re reportedly thrilled with their 25.1% “yield,” which sounds fancy until you realize it’s just crypto for “we gambled and got lucky.” 🎰
A Treasury Built on Bitcoin (and Denial)
Strategy’s corporate strategy? Invent increasingly absurd financial instruments (MSTR, STRC, STRK…) like a Wall Street Mad Libs game 🧩. Each ticker’s a Trojan horse, smuggling Bitcoin into portfolios while Saylor plays Marco Polo with his “forever asset.” Spoiler: The “forever” part ends when the asteroid hits. 🌕
Disclaimer: This article is a satirical roast, not financial advice. For actual guidance, consult a professional-not a guy who thinks blockchain is a type of yoga. 🚨
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2025-08-19 14:52