In his latest masterpiece, aptly titled “Woomph” (because why not?), Hayes paints a picture of the yen and Japanese government bonds having a full-blown meltdown. “The markets went woomph,” he writes, which is financial jargon for “shit hit the fan.” And now, we’re all waiting for the Fed to step in with its money printer, because apparently, that’s the only way Bitcoin can break out of its sideways sulk.
The consensus amongst the betting men is that rates will remain resolutely unmoved, a staggering 97% wagering on stasis. There’s a spot of bother brewing amongst the policy wonks, mind you. Some favour a tweak downwards, to help chaps borrow a bit easier, whilst others, rather sternly, point to the lingering spectre of inflation and the generally robust American economy. A bit of a pickle, really.
The Bitcoin mining network, usually as reliable as a British queue, collapsed like a poorly built snowman over the weekend. The hashrate plummeted to a seven-month low, leaving crypto enthusiasts colder than a penguin’s toes.
So, Anthropic, the San Francisco-based brain trust behind the AI chatbot Claude, is raking in $20 billion from venture capitalists and other deep-pocketed dreamers, according to the Financial Times. This deal values the company at $350 billion, which is roughly the GDP of a small country, or the cost of a really nice sandwich in San Francisco.
Ah, gold! That eternal refuge of the cautious, rose 1.4% to $5,080 an ounce, its seventh consecutive day of triumph. One might say it is the only guest at this party who remembers to bring a gift, while Bitcoin sulks in the corner, nursing its wounds.
Over the weekend, the gears of politics churned slower than a broken tractor, yet somehow, progress was made. Democrats, in a rare moment of unity, have agreed to keep their objections to themselves during the markup sessions on January 29. It’s like watching a barn dance where everyone’s too tired to step on each other’s toes.
In a move that could only be described as fabulously audacious, VanEck has launched the VanEck Avalanche ETF, which is rather like giving the green light for all those eager investors in the U.S. to frolic in the regulated playground of AVAX crypto. This splendid ETF doesn’t just sit there; it integrates staking rewards into its Net Asset Value, allowing investors to sip on passive yields while they dance through the scalable blockchain universe of Avalanche. It seems everyone wants to join this grand fiesta of regulated investing!
First, the metals market just had a meltdown that would make a toddler’s tantrum look dignified. Gold and silver lost $1.7 trillion in 90 minutes-yes, you read that right. It’s like they woke up one morning and decided, “You know what? We’re done being shiny.” Meanwhile, some crypto traders are predicting Bitcoin will hit $110,000 by Q2. Because, of course, when one asset class crashes, another must soar. It’s the circle of financial life.
In a universe where data is the air and regulations are the slightly damp umbrella you carry anyway, South Korea is edging toward letting privately issued KRW stablecoins wander free. The reaction from the ecosystem: a chorus of meetings, buzzwords, and people discovering their keyboards have become more expensive than their coffee. A new alliance has formed to coax KRW-backed stablecoins into everyday use, because apparently “everyday” is a genre now.
In a move that has set the ton abuzz, Bitwise Asset Management has unveiled its newest onchain investor solution, a non-custodial vault curation, powered by the ever-so-clever Morpho, an onchain lending network. At the helm of this venture stands Jonathan Man, CFA, Head of Multi-Strategy Solutions and DeFi Strategies at Bitwise. With the backing of their 140-person technology and investment team, one can only imagine the heights to which they aspire. The initial vault, my dear reader, targets an annual percentage yield of up to 6% on stablecoins, with whispers of expansion into additional strategies and programmable, real-time risk management on Morpho’s modular architecture. How very forward-thinking!