So, latest cosmic update: Bonk, ever the enthusiastic pup, has leapt approximately 6.42% (statisticians love decimals) toward the legendary price of $0.000018. This possibly has something to do with vague mutterings about strong ETF “buzz” and feverish token burning. That last one’s not literal, in case you were hoping for a fire show.
Meanwhile, as the global stablecoin bazaar swells beyond $250 billion (the kind of sum that would keep old Karamazov up for three days straight, plotting mischief), aging financial institutions, with their creaky ledgers and porcelain teacups, feel the creeping horror of irrelevance. The times, they are a-changing—but not, regrettably, the wallpaper at the bank headquarters. 📉🏦
Deep within the chatter-halls of the internet, whispers rattle: Tuttle Capital may unleash a 2x BONK ETF, doubling not just the price but, presumably, the heart rates and hopes of retail investors everywhere. Is it real? Is it illusion? Does it matter when the masses are already handing over their sanity for a ticket to the express ride? There’s nothing quite like unconfirmed rumors to flood a market with optimism—and memes.
The Blockchain Recovery Investment Consortium, a group that sounds like it was formed to right the wrongs of the crypto world, brought this legal case forward in August 2024, alongside Celsius. The complaint alleges that Tether, in a move that would make a used car salesman blush, sold Bitcoin that was supposed to be held as collateral in a 2022 transaction. Celsius claims that, due to the current price of Bitcoin, they are now over $4 billion in the hole, all thanks to Tether’s liquidation antics. On July 2, 2025, the court ruled in favor of proceeding with the case, effectively telling Tether that their jurisdictional challenges were about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. 🚤🚫
An XRP enthusiast with the Twitter handle @XrpHodL_ shared some juicy screenshots from a stenograph of a court session between the SEC and Ripple. In it, Ripple CTO and XRPL co-creator David Schwartz dropped a bombshell: he thinks Satoshi might have held a ton of XRP back in the day.
On July 2, in a move that’s probably going to make lawyers everywhere wonder if they’ve missed the memo on 2025, Oregon’s AG went all-in with a motion to keep its lawsuit against Coinbase exactly where it started—in the Circuit Court of Multnomah County. This came after Coinbase’s valiant but doomed attempt to move the case to the comfy, far-away land of federal court.
Two wallets that had remained dormant for over 14 years each transferred 10,000 BTC to new addresses around early Friday, as CoinDesk reported. The two addresses had initially received their coins on April 3, 2011, when bitcoin traded at just 78 cents. That’s like finding a dusty old coin in your attic and discovering it’s worth a small country. 🏰💰
At the time of writing, PENGU traded around $0.0162, showing strong upward momentum. The question now is whether bulls can sustain this rally and trigger the next leg toward $0.028, or if they’ll slip on a banana peel and fall flat on their faces. 🍌
World Liberty Financial, a decentralized finance protocol co-founded by members of President Donald Trump’s family (you can’t make this stuff up), has officially launched a community governance proposal. The mission? Make the WLFI token tradable across decentralized exchanges. In a move that will surely inspire poets and philosophers alike, they chose July 4 for this declaration of financial freedom.
In the shadowy world of Ethereum futures, everyone gets to speculate on ETH’s future price without the bothersome task of owning any actual Ethereum. It’s a bit like betting on horses without having to feed them, or explain cryptocurrency to your parents at dinner. The running tally of contracts—open interest, if you want to sound clever—rests comfortably at $33.09 billion (that’s 13.29 million ETH for the mathematically inclined) across a jostling landscape of exchanges.
