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These purchases, my dear reader, are but the latest in a grand symphony of greed. Last week, Bitwise, another titan of the crypt, moved 96,800 ETH for $273 million. BitMine now hoards 3.7 million Ether, acquired at an average cost of $3,008 per coin. At current prices, its treasury bleeds red, yet its masters gaze fixedly upon the horizon, dreaming of a future where Ether’s value soars. They claim to be 60% toward their mad ambition: controlling 5% of Ether’s supply. A single-asset obsession so grand, it borders on the absurd! 🤡📈

Bitcoin’s rallies, that siren song of prosperity, lay bare the base layer’s frailty: a realm where fees soar above $20 and confirmations stretch like a yawn in a desert. The world’s largest network, once a beacon of decentralized promise, now resembles a weary courier, its legs tied with the shoelaces of astronomical fees and the shackles of delayed confirmations. A gap yawns wide, and opportunists, oh so many opportunists, scramble to fill it.

Ah, Franklin Templeton Digital Assets, the grand maestro of finance, has confirmed that its Franklin Crypto Index ETF (EZPZ) now includes XRP, ADA, SOL, DOGE, LINK, and XLM. Until this momentous update, the product held only Bitcoin and Ethereum, a binary world indeed. Now, with $1.69 trillion in managed capital, it ventures into the realm of multiasset representation. A bold move, though one wonders if it is but a drop in the ocean of their vast wealth. 🌊 The ETF, with a NAV of $22.27 as of Dec. 1, boasts $6.68 million in net assets and a 15.3% return since its February 2025 launch. A modest sum, yet the narrative it feeds is grand: traditional finance, it seems, is finally broadening its horizons beyond the BTC-ETH duopoly. 🌍

Enter blockchain technology, the digital equivalent of a wizard’s spell, ready to turn ordinary assets into tokens and, possibly, into the financial equivalent of a caffeinated squirrel. The next big thing? Tokenizing real-world assets! Because who doesn’t love a bit of magic they can trade at lightning speed? ⚡

Bitcoin is back in the spotlight, but the same old limitations keep showing up: 10-minute blocks, fee spikes during hype, and no native smart contracts. As capital rotates into infrastructure plays, investors are hunting for projects that plug directly into Bitcoin while unlocking the scalability you expect from modern Layer-1s. Good luck, dear reader-this is a circus, and the clowns are already selling tickets.

Jameson Lopp, co-founder and CSO of Casa, said that their bitcoin self-custody firm passed the SOC 2 Type II audit conducted by Prescient Assurance. What does that mean? It means they’re serious about keeping out the bad guys (no unauthorized access here!) and following some pretty impressive operational procedures to protect your data and wallets. No biggie, just independent verification of institutional-grade security. 📈

It seems Dogecoin has taken to the art of undermining itself, with its latest breakdown beneath key support zones resembling a particularly inept jester. After weeks of dwindling momentum and fading enthusiasm, the price has become as reliable as a clockwork mouse. While DOGE has historically shown a knack for recovery, current conditions have turned the market into a veritable minefield of selling pressure, leaving buyers as helpless as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. 🐱

Summary

In a ripper of a post on X, Saylor, the co-founder and chairman of Strategy, has let the cat out of the bag about this new reserve. Blighty’s finest would be proud! The reserve, a cool $1.44 billion, has been conjured up through the sale of class A common stock under their at-the-market (ATM) offering program. Top hole! 🎩💰

The chairman of BitMine proceeded to enlighten us all with the wisdom that much of this success shall hinge upon the recovery of equities, which he is most assuredly expecting, and the benevolent appointment of a new Federal Reserve chairman-“a most welcome event,” he remarked, as though we were all awaiting an old friend’s arrival.