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Ah, XRP. That digital curio, relentlessly pursued by the hopeful and derided by the discerning. Now, 21Shares, a European firm with a penchant for transatlantic ambition, deigns to grace the American financial landscape with its spot XRP ETF, launching, predictably, on December 1st, 2025. A date, I suspect, chosen for its pleasing symmetry, not for any profound astrological significance. The ticker? TOXR. Utterly devoid of poetry, isn’t it? It sounds like a minor ailment. 🤧

With MON already falling 25% from its first big pump, many are now questioning its future as its lack real world use case. 🤷‍♂️

In a document that reads like a rejected script for a telenovela, Democratic Representative Jamie Raskin declared-with the gravitas of a man who has just discovered his soup is cold-that Trump had “exploited” the presidency, turning 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue into a “personal money-printing press.” The report, aptly titled “Trump, Crypto, and a New Age of Corruption” (because why waste time on subtlety?), alleges that the Trump family’s crypto holdings ballooned to a cool $11.6 billion since January, with a casual $800 million skimmed off the top in just six months. Not bad for a guy who once bankrupted a casino. 🎰💥

One is left to wonder if this brief respite is merely a ripple in the inevitable tide of doom, or a genuine sign of…something. A pulse, perhaps? A desperate gasp? These are the questions that keep a sensible investor awake at night.

The Unassailable Truths (Or So We’re Told)

According to the ever-watchful JackTheRippler (the crypto world’s very own oracle), more than a dozen XRP ETFs are waiting in the wings, preparing for their grand debut. It’s like a buffet of crypto goodness, with XRP already eating the market alive, leaving Solana and Dogecoin in its dust. You’ve heard of supply and demand? Well, XRP is the market’s new favorite dish, and it’s getting served up in bulk.

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Matrixport’s model, that most solemn of instruments, hinges upon a singular event: whether Bitcoin, after a year-long drought of 12-month highs, dares to breach such a threshold anew. In times past-save for the curious case of 2012-this act hath summoned bull markets of considerable vigor. Thus, when Bitcoin ascended above $31,000, it was not with the fanfare of a dragon’s roar, but the quiet resolve of a farmer plowing through frost. A subtle breach, yet one that history whispers marks the end of bearish tyranny.

In a press release that has everyone talking, Ripple announced that its stablecoin, RLUSD, has been officially accepted as a Fiat-Referenced token by Abu Dhabi’s financial regulator. What does this mean? Well, it means RLUSD is now allowed to strut its stuff in the region’s financial markets. And guess who benefits from this? That’s right, XRP-the beloved native token of the XRP Ledger. More demand for RLUSD = more demand for XRP. Pretty sweet deal, huh? 🤑

In a riveting X post (because who doesn’t love financial advice from social media?), Snow claims his algorithm is printing a new ceiling. 🚀✋ Bitcoin will bounce, sure, but $116,500? Nah, not happening in the next 365 days. He’s basically telling traders to chill with their Lambo dreams. 🏎️💔