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This Monday’s announcement marks a dramatic pivot for the NYSE-listed company, which now fancies itself a maestro of the entire payments symphony, from crypto storage to card issuance. “By bringing card and payments infrastructure in-house,” declared CEO JP Richardson with the gravitas of a man who’s just discovered fire, “we are closing the gap between holding and spending, and positioning Exodus as the only platform you need for your money.” One can almost hear the faint chuckle of the universe at such hubris. 😏

But, dear reader, as with all things that glitter, one must squint to see the tarnish. A recent analysis, as sharp as a wit at a Victorian soiree, suggests the GENIUS Act is less about regulating crypto and more about a government’s desperate clutch for debt management. How deliciously ironic! 🍷

So, the stablecoin market hit $280 billion, which is roughly the amount I’d pay to never hear the word “blockchain” again. Regulators worldwide are now furrowing their brows and muttering about “systemic risks,” which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’re scared of things we don’t understand.” 🤓

The whale, also known by its stage name “$10B HyperUnit Whale” (because why not?), casually added another $10 million to its position on Monday. According to Arkham Intelligence – the blockchain’s answer to Sherlock Holmes, but with fewer pipe-smoking deductions – this whale is already up $300K in less than an hour. At this rate, they’ll be richer than Scrooge McDuck by lunchtime. 🦆💸

Here’s the scoop: just the other day, our lovable daredevil shockingly forked out $1 million for some XRP. (A whole lotta impeazy, huh?!) This came after the digital currency took a seriously serious nosedive, nearly kissing the fabulous $2 mark goodbye. But fear not, because Dave doesn’t exactly play the long game here. Nope, he’s more about “betting and setting it”, a.k.a. making lightning-fast decisions faster than you can say “rekt”.

The excitement isn’t just because of the price surge. Oh no. We’re talking institutional inflows, ETF launches (yes, plural!), more uses for XRP than you can shake a stick at, and analysts turning into full-blown optimists. Apparently, XRP’s about to have its moment in the sun, and everyone’s getting on board.

Apparently, if you look at the Price-to-Fees ratio (because who doesn’t love a good ratio?), Aster is possibly dramatically overvalued. Like, seriously? Dramatic. Hyperliquid is less…extra. It’s just trying to exist, okay? 🤷‍♀️

What a time to be alive! After years of regulatory limbo-like a drunkard stumbling between courtrooms-Ripple finally settled with the SEC in 2025, and suddenly, Wall Street’s suits are falling over themselves to embrace XRP. How fickle the winds of fortune! 🌬️💼

As a crypto investor, I’m starting to see some positive signs with Solana (SOL) after a pretty tough downtrend. I’m noticing a bullish divergence on the daily chart, which suggests the selling pressure might be easing and buyers could be stepping back in. It’s still early, but it’s a potentially encouraging signal.

According to Umair Crypto (who I assume is a wizard with a spreadsheet), Dogecoin dipped below the $0.14 mark but managed to close with a doji candle-the ultimate “shrug” of the trading world. This indecisive little stick is now trying to reclaim the RSI trendline, which is basically crypto’s version of a participation trophy. If it can sustain a recovery above $0.17-the so-called “golden pocket”-we might have a bullish reversal on our hands. Or, you know, not. 🌟