According to whispers in the Tokyo financial district (because of course it’s anonymous sources), Japan Exchange Group (JPX) is drafting stricter rules for firms that pivot from, say, selling nail salons or rice cookers to hoarding crypto like a squirrel prepping for winter. Fresh audits, tougher listing checks-because apparently, “HODL” isn’t a valid strategy on tax forms. 🧾
$XRP
Snagged some for a quickie trade – because what’s life without a bit of risk? 😂
If it dips below that green line, I’m out faster than you can say “pump and dump.”
Let’s see if this coin still has its mojo or if it’s just another digital dud. 💸
At the Bank of England’s (BoE) recent gathering, the Monetary Policy Committee (MPC) proclaimed with grave solemnity that the domestic economy would expand by 1.5% this year. A forecast, no doubt, penned with the utmost gravity, though one wonders if it was delivered with a straight face. 😏
A market oracle, with eyes like a hawk, declared that Bitcoin has severed ties with the M2 money supply. The Fed, that old grump, won’t pour fresh liquidity until next year-like a landlord who refuses to fix the pipes until winter. ⚙️
Like a reluctant magician finally pulling a rabbit out of a hat (after losing half the audience), the U.S. government has stumbled back to life. The House, in a vote tighter than Trump’s grip on reality (222-209), approved funding, proving democracy still works-barely. At 9:45 PM ET, the President signed the bill, presumably with the same pen he uses for tweets.
After failing to conquer $0.1880-much like Napoleon failing to conquer Russia-Dogecoin slunk away, tail between its legs, below $0.1820 and $0.180. It stumbled past the 50% Fib retracement level of its previous jaunt from $0.1568 (the “swing low,” or as I call it, “the moment investors questioned their life choices”) to $0.1858 (the “swing high,” or “the peak of irrational exuberance”). Yet, like a stubborn terrier, it refuses to abandon hope near $0.1680, now limping back above $0.1720.
Imagine a treasure chest brimming with nearly $3 billion in crypto, with ETH buried deep. At the old year’s end, they held 817,747 tokens. Fast forward a bit, and there they were sitting on 861,251 ETH by November’s start. It’s a slow and steady climb, but who’s counting, right?
In a recent soliloquy on X, Santiment pondered Bitcoin’s peculiar divergence from its historical companions. Once, they moved in harmony, like lovers in a Chekhov play, but now? Bitcoin has stumbled, down 15% since August 11th, while Gold pirouettes with a 21% gain and the S&P 500 nods approvingly at 7%. 🕺💃
In a move so groundbreaking it might even distract you from your daily coffee, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent tweeted that the feds are laying down new rules for crypto exchange-traded products (ETPs).
The Chinese National Computer Virus Emergency Response Center, a name that rolls off the tongue like a bureaucratic tongue-twister, proclaims the 2020 hack as a state-level operation. The evidence? The stealthy, almost poetic movement of 127,272 stolen tokens, as if the culprits were ballet dancers in a theater of deceit. Bloomberg, ever the chronicler of such farces, reports with gravitas. 🎭
