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Behold the spectacle: Pudgy Penguins (PENGU) surged 23% in a single day, pecking at the air with a longing not seen since January 29. Its followers, clutching bags heavier than a Siberian exile’s sack, saw returns of 125% since the previous month’s bottom — and 370% higher than their year-to-date despair. “How?” you wonder, munching on dry bread. Simple: the penguin saw a fish, leapt, and every other creature scrambled after it, desperate not to starve.

And of course, it didn’t take long for the internet to erupt. Enter Hunter Horsley, CEO of Bitwise, who, in a moment of profound contemplation—or perhaps a caffeine-fueled epiphany—wondered if Ripple was morphing into something entirely different: an “XRP treasury company.” Is it a bold prediction? A slight overstatement? The crypto world had *feelings* about this. Some were all in, seeing it as a big, bold bet on Ripple’s future. Others, not so much—thinking, “Eh, let’s hold the hype train for just a second.” You can almost hear them muttering, “We’ve heard this story before.” 🙄

In a missive posted on the Trump-backed social media’s official account, the platform doth hint at a launch of said token “in the near future.” Ah, but what’s this? A beta test of the Patriot Package, a subscription plan of uncommon virtue, with 12 “premium, non-woke news channels” and a vast library of video-on-demand services to tickle thy fancy! 📺

“We remain constructive, especially as many traders appear underpositioned following last month’s option expiry, which led to significant exposure roll-off,” Thielen told CryptoMoon on Wednesday, with a hint of a smile, suggesting that Bitcoin (BTC) could hit a staggering $133,000 by September. 🚀

As the American crypto bazaar known as Coinbase coughed and spluttered into temporary darkness, the streets (or rather, the alleys of Twitter) brimmed with prophetic utterances and caffeinated gifs. Foresight or mass delusion? The debate raged on while Bitcoin gleefully pirouetted upwards, dragging wallets in its wake.

A recent survey of 1,500 qualified investors – folks with at least ₽50,000 (about $600) in financial assets – revealed that 52% have bought digital coins, while another 38% plan to join the party soon. That’s a whopping 90% of the surveyed group, if you’re keeping score 📊.

The analysis focuses on the rising trend of Bitcoin’s price, which reached the $110,000 mark. However, Xanrox notes that instead of a full breakthrough, the digital asset failed to continue its upward trend even after exiting the downward channel. Considering this, Xanrox explains that this is a false breakout pattern, or what is commonly known in the crypto community as a “bull trap.”

Through whispered pacts and the dry signatures of legalese, these men—yes, mostly men in expensive jackets—cook up a plan to corral BNB for the altogether worthy aim of dancing with Wall Street (lest the U.S. regulators grow bored and lonely). The company will hoard BNB with a possessiveness matched perhaps only by a cat claiming a warm windowsill. At last: a plan for the wrinkled old hands of traditional investors, who until now have recoiled from crypto exchanges as if from a goose feather mattress filled with actual geese.