USDTHB

The timing? A cruel jest worthy of Gogol. Bitcoin, that mercurial beast, limps above $100,000, its tail lashed by a week of selling frenzies. Strategy, with its 641,205 Bitcoin holdings-purchased at the tender price of $74,000 each-now clings to a $64 billion paper profit, a mirage shimmering in the desert of leverage. When the crypto tide recedes, Strategy’s stock drowns twice as deep, a Sisyphus rolling its boulder uphill only to watch it tumble again. 🤡

According to CoinMarketCap, Zcash (ZEC) soared to a surprising high of $655 earlier today, pushing its market cap to an impressive $10.6 billion. Of course, this euphoria didn’t last long, and by the time you blinked, it cooled down to $632, still keeping a solid $10.3 billion valuation. But here’s the kicker-it’s now the 12th-largest crypto, closing in on the coveted top 10 position. Watch out, Bitcoin!

Santiment, that sober sentinel of market whimsy, raises a brow at this sudden pivot. It is, they warn, a replay of the week’s earlier farce, when retail panic selling inadvertently fueled a rebound. Now, the return of FOMO-that most infantile of market emotions-threatens to stall the ascent. History, it seems, is not just a guide but a mirror, reflecting the folly of the crowd. Prices, those fickle creatures, have a penchant for moving contrary to popular opinion, and neutral sentiment, like a wise old owl, has proven a more reliable harbinger of gains than euphoric frenzy. 🦉

When the topic of shareholder liquidity and tender offers came up, Garlinghouse didn’t shy away. Instead, he dropped a bombshell: “We’ve actually repurchased over 25 percent of the company. We’ve spent $4 billion buying shares back from our shareholders,” he said. He added, in a tone only a tech CEO could get away with, “Just yesterday [we] closed another billion-dollar tender offer, valuing Ripple at about $40 billion.” Yep, you read that right-a cool $4 billion spent on buying back shares. Who needs an IPO when you’ve got that kind of power, right?

So, Coinbase just handed over €21,464,734 (yeah, we’re counting the cents) to the CBI because their Transaction Monitoring System (TMS) decided to take a nap between 2021 and 2022. 😴💤 Apparently, three lines of code went rogue, causing partial monitoring of certain crypto addresses-like, “Oh, you’re separated by a special character? You’re fine, go ahead.” 🧐✨

In a move that would make a panicked penguin envious, Lista DAO’s USDX/USD1 lending vault recently faced a liquidity crisis so severe it probably made the stablecoin cry. The protocol, in a bid to avoid becoming the next cautionary tale in a DeFi textbook, executed a flash loan liquidation so dramatic it would make a Shakespearean tragedy seem dull by comparison.

Well folks, hold onto your hats! Filecoin just pulled off one of those jaw-dropping moves that’ll make you question your life choices. In a single 24-hour period, it blasted from $1.33 to $2.27, leaving a trail of dust and skeptics behind it. CoinDesk Research says it was the kind of rally that gets a token crowned as a sector leader. Quite the title, huh?

According to Richard-who seems to be on a mission to save the world from scam artists-these scammers are sliding into your DMs like the worst kind of internet stranger. They join public crypto groups or message unsuspecting victims directly. The scammers claim to be Binance employees, offering fake investment opportunities, or they just randomly mention that something terribly important is happening to your account. Maybe it’s frozen. Maybe your funds are in jeopardy. Maybe they’re just trying to get you to give up your wallet and 2FA codes. Who’s to say?

For four years, Strategy has been a collector of Bitcoin, purchasing in increments as if curating a gallery of digital artifacts. Each acquisition, a small act of faith, yet the average price of $74,057 per coin now hangs like a specter over their treasury. A price that, should it falter, might cast a shadow over their lofty ambitions.

Our intrepid ETF analyst, James Seyffart, observed on X (formerly Twitter) that the firm has axed the 8(a) delay clause, that pesky provision which once allowed the SEC to dawdle over approval timelines like a tea-soaked toff in a pinstripe. Previously, Franklin Templeton had kowtowed to this tradition, but now it declares, “Nay, we shall be effective in 20 days unless you stop us!” A bold move, or perhaps a desperate one? Only the SEC knows, and they’re not talking.