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According to Richard-who seems to be on a mission to save the world from scam artists-these scammers are sliding into your DMs like the worst kind of internet stranger. They join public crypto groups or message unsuspecting victims directly. The scammers claim to be Binance employees, offering fake investment opportunities, or they just randomly mention that something terribly important is happening to your account. Maybe it’s frozen. Maybe your funds are in jeopardy. Maybe they’re just trying to get you to give up your wallet and 2FA codes. Who’s to say?

For four years, Strategy has been a collector of Bitcoin, purchasing in increments as if curating a gallery of digital artifacts. Each acquisition, a small act of faith, yet the average price of $74,057 per coin now hangs like a specter over their treasury. A price that, should it falter, might cast a shadow over their lofty ambitions.

Our intrepid ETF analyst, James Seyffart, observed on X (formerly Twitter) that the firm has axed the 8(a) delay clause, that pesky provision which once allowed the SEC to dawdle over approval timelines like a tea-soaked toff in a pinstripe. Previously, Franklin Templeton had kowtowed to this tradition, but now it declares, “Nay, we shall be effective in 20 days unless you stop us!” A bold move, or perhaps a desperate one? Only the SEC knows, and they’re not talking.

This dip, of course, underscores the shift in user behavior, as everyone scrambles to find real utility and value, presumably while clutching their wallets tightly in the face of economic woes and a never-ending stream of regulatory twists and turns. 🙄

The grand total of all these digital baubles – the entire cryptocurrency market capitalization – has also taken a minor, utterly devastating tumble of about one percent, settling at a meager $3.7 trillion. As if anyone can truly count such things. It’s all vapor, my friends, beautiful, shimmering vapor. ✨

Fireblocks, the Solana Foundation, TON Foundation, Polygon Labs, Stellar Development Foundation, Mysten Labs, and Monad Foundation – which sounds like the names of secret agents but are actually just a bunch of blockchain nerds – announced on Thursday they’re forming the Blockchain Payments Consortium (BPC, because adding a finance-y acronym makes everything sound more serious).

Naturally, the masses are clutching their pearls and asking, “Why, oh why, is Filecoin the belle of the ball today?” Well, my dear, let’s unravel this farce with the wit of a Coward cocktail party. 🍸

Oh, the plight of XRP, caught in the brutal embrace of bearish pressure. The 50-day moving average makes its stealthy advance below the stalwart 200-day moving average-a phenomenon ominously dubbed the death cross. This cleverly named maneuver is a harbinger of possible downward tides, filling traders and investors with visions of uncertainty regarding the short-term price trajectory of XRP. 📉

According to CoinDesk Research (aka “The People Who Actually Understand Charts While I Just Stare at Candlesticks Hoping for Divine Intervention”), ether dropped like my motivation on a Monday morning-breaking below the oh-so-important $3,400 support level. And yet, whales were buying like it was Black Friday at Harrods. 🐳💸

On the seventh of November, as recorded by the metallic quill of Bloomberg’s oracle, Eric Balchunas, on the electronic scrolls of X, a revelation was made. Bitwise, in a move more cunning than a fox with Bitcoins, altered its filing under the mystical Section 8(a) of the Securities Act.