According to CoinDesk Research (aka “The People Who Actually Understand Charts While I Just Stare at Candlesticks Hoping for Divine Intervention”), ether dropped like my motivation on a Monday morning-breaking below the oh-so-important $3,400 support level. And yet, whales were buying like it was Black Friday at Harrods. 🐳💸
On the seventh of November, as recorded by the metallic quill of Bloomberg’s oracle, Eric Balchunas, on the electronic scrolls of X, a revelation was made. Bitwise, in a move more cunning than a fox with Bitcoins, altered its filing under the mystical Section 8(a) of the Securities Act.
Whales are scooping ETH like it’s going out of style, BTC dominance is hitting a wall, and derivatives are getting a much-needed cleanse. Could this be ETH’s moment to shine? Or is it just another false alarm? 🧼💰
According to Santiment – the Nancy Drew of crypto analytics – this is the biggest wallet boom we’ve seen in eight months. Which, in crypto years, is like saying “a lifetime.” Just last month, long-term holders were dumping XRP like expired milk (260 million per day, yikes), but now? Now it’s “oh hey, maybe I do love you, XRP.” 💔➡️💘
Santiment’s like, “Hey hey hey! Remember when everyone was bullish and then poof-bear market? Yeah, history’s not exactly a fan of your confidence.” But who needs caution when you’ve got a $70 million whale named Tom Lee buying the dip like it’s Black Friday at the crypto mall? 🛍️💸
Announced in the gleaming halls of Singapore, this partnership aspires to bridge the chasm between traditional finance and blockchain-based systems. Secure tokenized fund operations across multiple blockchains, they promise. A noble goal, perhaps, but one cannot help but smirk at the irony of “security” in a realm where anonymity and regulation are eternal adversaries.
Under President Donald Trump’s administration, the crypto landscape has transformed from a chaotic snowstorm into a sun-dappled promenade. Clearer rules and a regulatory thaw have lured hedge funds-those once-cloistered titans of caution-into the digital asset ballroom, where Bitcoin and Ethereum waltz with newfound partners like Solana. One might say the market is finally shedding its peasant shoes and donning velvet boots.
The CLO has opined that it should give traditional banks “some comfort.” Or maybe just a mild sedative. 🧠💤
Behold, 122 titans of finance-guardians of nearly $1 trillion-have confessed their sins (or strategies) to these holy men of spreadsheets. And lo, they cite Trump’s GENIUS Act, that most ironically named of legislations, as the balm for their crypto-related anxieties. “Regulatory uncertainty,” said James Delaney of AIMA, “has been a major barrier.” A barrier! As if the very air of ambiguity were a wall of fire, and Trump’s quill a bucket of water. Yet, with 47% of these institutions now clutching crypto tighter than a drunkard clutches his last bottle, one must ask: is this wisdom, or merely the madness of crowds wearing a tie?
Daily active users, transactions, and TVL have all dropped sharply, with $810,000 in IP sold and DEX volume hitting a monthly low. 📉📉