According to the Financial Times, this plan will drop in December as part of a “markets integration package.” Because what Europe really needs is more paperwork during the holiday season. The goal? Fix fragmentation. Which, honestly, might be easier than convincing my family to agree on a Netflix password.
Bitcoin traders, behold the monthly candlestick chart-a masterpiece of confusion, where October’s candle screams, “I can’t decide!” 🎭 The range? A wild swing from $103k to $126k, bigger than the previous three months combined! Yet BTC ends October with a 3.8% slump, like a party that forgot to invite momentum. This is what happens when you throw a “meh” party. 🎉
Now, let’s talk about Bitcoin’s recent antics. It had this “Uptober” party last month, but the guest list forgot to RSVP. Trade tensions between the U.S. and China? That was a bear market BBQ. On October 10th, Bitcoin went from $126K to $103K faster than a hot biscuit at a breakfast table. But lo! The old-timer rebounded, clinging to $110K like a barnacle to a ship.
Well, I say, the ZKsync network’s native ZK token had a bit of a knees-up on Sunday, old bean. It didn’t just rally-it dashed up more than 65% in value, quicker than Jeeves fetching my morning tea. From a humble $0.03, it leapt to a peak of $0.060, all because Vitalik Buterin, the Ethereum wizard, tipped his hat to the network. 🧙♂️💸
The Stochastic RSI, that ancient oracle of overbought and oversold realms, now croons at 3.76-a number so pitiful it could weep. Yet history, that fickle mistress, reminds us that such lows birthed a 165% rally in 2023. Imagine: $1,550 to $4,100 in five months! A feat so bold, it would make a phoenix blush. But let us not forget the descending triangle-a geometric love letter to chaos, forming around $3,500. Mister Crypto, our crypto Cassandras, declare: “Breakout near $3,850! Whale accumulation? Oui! On-chain activity? Oui-oui!” 🐳
New title: Clickbait, like something sensational about the rally, in Dostoevsky style? But keep it under 100 chars. Original is “Dash soars 49% in a day – Privacy coin mania captures the market”. Make it clickbait: “Dash’s Furious Rally: Souls Shattered by 49% Surge! 🤑”
It all began on Friday, when the ever-charming Alex Gluchowski, ZKsync’s ringmaster, unveiled the Atlas upgrade-a marvel of scalability, interoperability, and transaction speeds that would make even the most jaded investor blush. 🌍⚡
On the 2nd of November, the esteemed Suni Kavuri, self-appointed advocate for the beleaguered creditors, unveiled revised estimates of recovery. Alas, these calculations suggest that even the most optimistic among them may reclaim but 9% to 46% of their former crypto fortunes. One might almost weep for joy at such generosity… if not for the absurdity of it all. 😂
Who’s behind this sudden influx of cash? Mostly the usual suspects: Bitcoin treasury firms (because squirreling away crypto is so 2025) and ETFs, according to Ki Young Ju of CryptoQuant. But let’s be real-these ETFs are like a caffeine addict: they’ll power you through a rally, then crash and nap for three days. Ju’s warning? If they don’t snap out of their post-crash slump, Bitcoin’s price will stay stuck in “meh” territory. 😴
$4.08 million in exchange outflows suggests accumulation-because nothing says “I believe in you” like quietly sneaking away with the silverware. Meanwhile, traders are favoring long positions, proving optimism is the only thing longer than a Wildean epigram. 😏
