USDTHB

Maxim Oreshkin, a gentleman of considerable influence and the President’s top economist, has recently expressed a most daring opinion: the digital assets, commonly known as Bitcoin, are not mere fanciful additions to the financial stew but are indeed an integral ingredient-so much so that they should be counted in the official balancesheets! Yes, dear reader, Bitcoin is declared a “hidden export.” Fancy that, a secret treasure trove, hidden in the very digital vaults of the internet, much like Mr. Darcy’s most clandestine dalliances. 💰🕵️‍♂️

//media.crypto.news/2025/12/Image-04-12-2025-at-09.35.webp”/>

Uniswap’s Hayden Adams roasted Citadel so hard, Ken Griffin’s probably Googling “how to unexist” rn. 🔥 Because when you’ve spent decades rigging markets, open-source tech must feel like a middle finger to your Rolodex. 🖕

Ripple’s growing presence in the institutional world is turning up the heat, sparking hopes that this week could mark the dawn of a new bullish era for XRP. Especially since exchange reserves seem to be dropping faster than your favorite TV series’ ratings after the first season.

They claim this new “configuration”-which is a fancy word for “less reckless spending”-makes things “less fragile.” That’s investor-speak for “Hopefully, we won’t all wake up one morning to find Bitcoin playing hide and seek again.”

But hey, who’s surprised? Citadel’s just another hedge fund trying to keep the old boys’ club alive. “We’re not against innovation!” they say. Sure, because nothing says “innovation” like demanding every crypto project follow the same rules as a 1920s stock exchange. 📉

Folks are sayin’ it looks like this Arbitrum [ARB] might be findin’ a bottom. Network activity, too, is pickin’ up steam. Though whether that’s genuine excitement or just folks tryin’ to catch a fallin’ knife is anyone’s guess. 🤷‍♂️

The Connecticut Department of Consumer Protection (DCP), ever vigilant in their duties, dispatched letters to these platforms on a Wednesday, declaring them guilty of “conducting unlicensed online gambling, more specifically sports wagering.” Oh, the scandal! Commissioner Bryan Cafferelli, with a stern countenance, proclaimed, “None of these entities possess a license to offer wagering in our state, and even if they did, their contracts violate numerous other state laws and policies, including offering wagers to individuals under the age of 21.” Tsk, tsk, how imprudent! 🧐

Vanguard, that $11 trillion behemoth of cautious investing, has gone and shocked the world-or at least the part of it that cares about digital Monopoly money. Ric Edelman, a fella who knows his way around a dollar, took to Twitter (or “X,” if you’re feeling fancy) to declare this the “most bullish signal since someone decided gold was worth more than a shiny rock.”

Axis has been quietly fiddling about in a closed beta, so it’s not like they’ve been shouting about it from the rooftops. They’ve deployed (a very impressive) $100 million, which they’re using to test if their clever little arbitrage tricks actually work. Apparently, they’ve achieved a Sharpe ratio of 4.9 even when Bitcoin was doing its usual, dramatic thing. This, they say, is the key: yield without having to guess which way the market will go. Because who likes risk, really? 🤪