The report, penned with all the gravitas of a butler announcing dinner is served, noted that the Fed’s return to the bond market might just mean the great cash drain is over. This, they claim, is usually good news for risk-on assets-like cryptocurrencies, or investing in a friend’s dubious “can’t-lose” ostrich farm.
Behold the sacred last page of the playbook-no secrets here, just pure, unadulterated Hodl theology.
On Wednesday, Coinbase’s stock closed at $276.92 per share, up over 5%. The logic behind this dramatic dance of numbers is simple: when Bitcoin rallies, people trade more. When people trade more, Coinbase profits more. And when Coinbase profits more, investors temporarily forget about things like “valuation multiples” and “price targets.” It’s the most beautiful, if not slightly irrational, cycle. At least on the days when Bitcoin is riding high. 📈
In their monthly report-a scroll of such length it could rival the Illiad-they pondered why Bitcoin, that fickle lover of volatility, hath performed so poorly of late. Alas, it hath fallen three standard deviations below its 90-day average, while the S&P 500, that stoic companion, hath but stumbled once. How tragic!
Bitwise’s XRP ETF is now available for Vanguard’s elite clientele, thanks to a tweet from CEO Hunter Horsley. It started trading on Nov. 20, and the inflows? Let’s just say they’re as impressive as Mel Brooks’ comedy. 🎭
In a Wednesday X post, Polymarket declared it would grace waitlisted users with its US app, starting with bets on sports event contracts. “Followed by markets on everything,” they say. How very ambitious. 🎯
Ah, Zcash! It has squandered much of its recent glory, yet somehow, traders clutch their tokens with the desperation of a man holding a half-eaten pierogi in a gusty wind. 😅
Ce n’est pas une blague : le même grand patron des Bitcoins a réduit ses acquisitions, passant de 134 500 BTC en Novembre 2024 à une pitoyable pincée de 9 100 BTC en novembre 2025. Et maintenant, en décembre? Seulement 135 BTC! Ah, l’amour du risque… ou la peur, qui sait? 😅
Polymarket has waltzed back into the U.S., dancing to the tune of regulatory approval and a shiny new mobile app. On Wednesday, the platform announced its return to the land of the free, but not without a few hoops to jump through first. We’re talking about a 2022 showdown with the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC), who wasn’t exactly thrilled with Polymarket’s unregistered event-based derivatives. A quick $1.4 million settlement later, and voilà – they’re back in business.
Цепочка, эта таинственная змея, поднялась на 20% за день, теперь она сидит на $14.50, словно забытая мелодия из ноября. 🐍
