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In a move that has set the ton abuzz, Bitwise Asset Management has unveiled its newest onchain investor solution, a non-custodial vault curation, powered by the ever-so-clever Morpho, an onchain lending network. At the helm of this venture stands Jonathan Man, CFA, Head of Multi-Strategy Solutions and DeFi Strategies at Bitwise. With the backing of their 140-person technology and investment team, one can only imagine the heights to which they aspire. The initial vault, my dear reader, targets an annual percentage yield of up to 6% on stablecoins, with whispers of expansion into additional strategies and programmable, real-time risk management on Morpho’s modular architecture. How very forward-thinking!

Ah, Hyperliquid, that darling layer-1 chain, has seen a volume explosion that would make even the most jaded socialite blush. The cause? A frenzy of trading through “Builder-Deployed Perpetuals,” of course. The levels have risen to a magnificent ATH of $790 million-simply divine! In a post as elegant as a Coward monologue, Hyperliquid attributed this surge to the rapid adoption of HIP-3. How très chic!

And why the sudden glow-up? Enter: bAXS. Not to be confused with “BFFs,” “buccal swabs,” or “the sound you make when you find another cockroach in your apartment,” bAXS is the new “utility layer” supposedly fixing everything that was wrong with Axie’s economy – like giving AXS actual reasons to exist beyond sitting in wallets collecting digital dust and regret.

In a tricksterish twist, Bitcoin gobbles up a marching parade of long bets laid down over the last 30 days, then gives them a sly little swish and a wipeout. The market looked all puffed up with bravado, crowds ready to roar higher. But markets, like a box of unscrupulous secrets in Roald Dahl’s garden, love to surprise you. Big players and glossy exchange lords adore a crowded parade; they poke it, they prod it, they whisper “liquidation!” and off go the crowds, leaving innocent traders to blink as prices jump and jiggle in a jolly, jerky dance.

But hold onto your digital wallets, folks! Not everyone is convinced that this meteoric rise isn’t just a mirage. Some market watchers are raising eyebrows about where those tokens are really hiding. It’s like being at a party where the punch bowl is mostly filled with Kool-Aid but someone claims it’s top-shelf whiskey.

In the shadow of technological progress, Ethereum has stumbled upon a peculiar truth: it may be cheaper now to send a transaction than to bribe a KGB official in 1984. As of January 16, daily transactions leaped to 2.9 million, a figure so staggering it would make Lenin blush-if he weren’t already buried under a … Read more

Valour, Nasdaq’s pet digital asset puppet DeFi Technologies, paraded FCA charisma to foist ETPs on the LSE, as if crypto hadn’t already disillusioned half the globe with its “innovation.”

According to some astute folk in business suits who dabble in industry reports, these old-fashioned, flintlock banks have started to make themselves the villains in our financial fairy tale. It seems they have painted themselves into a corner, where darkness reigns, and cries of “regulatory gap!” echo through the halls.

It’s a funny thing, this business. Folks lookin’ at it sideways, callin’ it fool’s gold all through late ‘25. A real test, they say, to see if this whole “Digital Asset Treasury” idea is somethin’ solid or just air.

In a move that screams “I told you so” before anyone even asked, Bloomberg Intelligence’s senior commodity strategist Mike McGlone took to X (formerly known as Twitter, because why not add more chaos?) on Jan. 25 to share his hot take. Apparently, Ethereum is flirting with the lower end of its $2,000-$4,000 trading range, and McGlone is betting on a breakup-the kind where one party ends up crying into their blockchain.