Brokers in Byzantium: A2Z Crypto’s Rebrand Leaves Traders Bewildered (and Broke!)

Why all the melodrama? On the fateful Wednesday of July 30, Arena-Z (A2Z)—having just emerged from the chrysalis of its LOKA days—tumbled 25% after Binance offered the fresh token to the world, like a dubious canapé. This came directly after swapping from the “League of Kingdoms Arena” mantle and announcing a brave new Web3 universe, where if you lose money quickly, it is at least on-brand.

Why SUI’s Price is Stuck in a Funk While TVL Soars – You Won’t Believe This!

According to the oracle known as DeFiLlama, Sui’s Total Value Locked has surged to a staggering $2.28 billion this week, marking its highest level on record. This represents a jaw-dropping 40% climb since the year began, and a robust triple-digit recovery from its nadir of $1.02 billion back in March. Quite the comeback story, wouldn’t you agree? 📈

Ether’s Wild Ride: $219M vs Bitcoin’s $80M 😂💰

The green wave for ether ETFs is more unstoppable than a Mel Brooks punchline! Tuesday, July 29, marked the 18th day of this wild ride, with $218.64 million pouring in. Blackrock’s ETHA is the life of the party, pulling in $223.73 million. A tiny $5.09 million outflow from 21shares’ CETH tried to crash the party but failed miserably. Trading hit $1.58 billion, pushing net assets to $21.61 billion. That’s what I call a *spicy meatball* of growth! 🥳🚀

H100 Group’s Bitcoin Frenzy: Shocking New Highs!

Ah, the enigmatic H100 Group, those whimsical wizards of wealth, have deigned to embellish their Bitcoin boudoir with an additional 56.9 BTC, procured at the ludicrously lofty price of SEK 1,135,364 per glittering coin—truly, a sum that might make Midas himself blush with envy. This capricious caper elevates their hoard to a grandiose total of … Read more

You Won’t Believe What’s Going Into America’s Crypto Stockpile—Ethereum, XRP & Chaos?!

The news broke on X (formerly known as Twitter, before the rebranding coup d’état) where crypto sage Xaif, peering beyond the curtain like a modern-day Woland, announced that Ethereum and XRP might soon rub shoulders with Bitcoin in the nation’s collection. Anxious traders clutched their ledgers; degens prayed briefly; meme creators well, they did what meme creators always do.