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Ah, the timeless tale of American politics-where compromise is an art form that no one seems to have mastered. U.S. Republicans and Democrats were at it again on Tuesday, wrangling over the nation’s fiscal future, as if it were a game of chess played by drunken toddlers. The clock ticks toward midnight, and no resolution is in sight. The stock markets, ever the harbinger of doom, took a plunge, and bitcoin followed suit, dipping under $114K after an oh-so-brief post-weekend rally on Monday. It’s the kind of thing that makes you wonder if we ever really understood the concept of “stability.”

MSTR rose 5.62% as BTC gained 2%, but dilution concerns pressured the shareholder value outlook. (Stocks: because 70% debt + $10B dilution = *chef’s kiss* 🤷)

Soluna, a maker of green data centers for high-intensity computing, treats this partnership as another rung on a ladder reaching toward its vast, almost ascetic pipeline of renewable computing projects. “This agreement reflects our shared commitment to delivering high-performance computing solutions powered by renewable energy,” says Soluna’s John Belizaire, speaking as if the wind itself were a saint and not a market-driven engine. One hears in his voice the tremor of faith and the whisper of profit; a strange sermon, perhaps. 🤔

In his latest note, Bitwise Chief Investment Officer Matt Hougan murmurs that Tether’s growth is less of a sprint and more of a turbo-charged strut, helped by an all-you-can-sell buffet of currencies and money markets worldwide. Yes, the world is basically their playground. 🎢💰

XRP whales are back at it, buying dips like they found a clearance sale on crypto confidence.

At the podcast The Master Investor, Cathie Wood donned her prophet’s robes, proclaiming Bitcoin as the “pure” monetary system. One might ask: pure of what? Of greed? Of innovation? Of… well, anything that doesn’t involve Layer-2 solutions. 🤷‍♀️ She insists Bitcoin’s blockchain has never been hacked-a claim as fragile as a snowflake in a nuclear winter. 🧊

Morpho, presumably the most enthusiastic DeFi entity in the room, announced the partnership on X with the gravitas of someone revealing they’ve cured cancer: “This is the beginning of an inevitable shift: banks are coming onchain and Morpho will be their universal backend.” Translation: “We’re about to get paid in crypto. Pass the champagne.” 🍾

And now, like some mysterious alchemist stepping from the shadows, cryptocurrency enters the fray, shaking hands with this digital coliseum and altering how spectators cheer, players earn, and pixels are bartered. Platforms adopting these arcane currencies – Bitcoin, Ethereum, and their ilk – offer a new dimension of engagement, where fortunes flow with the swiftness of a babbling brook, unburdened by the ponderous bureaucracy of yore.

Apparently, Coberg’s side hustle included using his badge to intimidate rivals while collecting $20K/month. Because nothing says “ethical career move” like moonlighting as a thug with benefits. 🎩🦺

By Shayan (or perhaps a ghostwriter with a penchant for chaos)